Victims of cyberbullying are twice as likely to experience thoughts of suicide.

It’s a hard time to be a child and a scary time to be a parent. While it can be hard to detect when your child is experiencing issues at school or online, there are some common signs and symptoms of cyberbullying.

In this article, we take a look at how you can identify those signs, and talk about what comes next.

Unease About Going to School

When your child expresses a firm desire to avoid school, it is often a sign that they are experiencing some form of bullying. There is, of course, a spectrum of avoidance behavior. It is normal for kids to complain about tests or homework. It is certainly normal for kids to want to sleep in or pursue hobbies and interests instead of going to class.

It is not normal for kids to routinely invent illnesses or other reasons they can’t go to class. Nor is it typical for kids to display clear signs of intense anxiety at the thought of going.

When avoidance behavior becomes extreme and routine, it is almost always a sign that something out of the ordinary is taking place. While the culprit may not be cyberbullying, or in-person bullying, these are possibilities to keep in mind. Especially when your child’s avoidance behavior displays some of the other qualities we will describe in this article.

Unusual Cyber Activity

Victims of cyberbullying often appear visibly shaken when they are using their devices. They may become anxious or moody while all on their phone or tablet. However, they will also opt to use these devices more often— sometimes even compulsively, as a way of seeing what has been said about them.

This sign, by itself, could also coordinate with cell phone or social media addiction— a legitimate psychological disorder that can cause anxiety and depression.

Either way, it’s a sign that warrants follow-up questions and a reasonable level of concern.

Cagey Behavior

If your child displays a sudden unwillingness to discuss their personal life— particularly as it relates to online activity— this may be another indication that they are experiencing cyberbullying. This is, admittedly, a difficult consideration to identify when it comes to dealing with teenagers. When are they ever forthcoming about information, right?

If you notice that your child is beginning to withdraw, it’s important to actively seek communication. If they become particularly cagey about discussing their cyber life, or their personal connections, it may very well be an indication that they are experiencing some form of bullying.

A Sudden Decrease in Social Activity

Victims of bullying often choose not to engage in social activities. While the decision to stay home on the weekends needn’t be troubling in its own right, it can be considered cause for concern when it represents a significant departure from their usual activity.

If your child has always enjoyed spending time with their friends, but suddenly stops altogether, it will usually be for a reason— and one that requires your attention.

Changes in Sleeping or Eating Patterns

Any sudden change in your child’s sleeping or eating habits should be noted. That said, some normal changes may not be cause for significant concern. It is normal for kids to begin eating and sleeping more around the time they get to high school— both activities fuel the significant amount of growth they do during this time.

However, when the change seems very abrupt, and without context, it could be related to an emotional challenge that they are experiencing. When you notice a change in their eating and sleeping that coordinates with any of the other issues described in this list, it is worth further exploration.

References to Suicide or Depression

This is one of the most obvious causes for concern that you will encounter. If your child says that they are anxious, depressed, or experiencing thoughts of suicide, it’s something that will require your immediate attention.

It is easier to dismiss these statements than you might at first think. As a parent, you don’t want anything to be seriously wrong with your child. That desire for their health and wellness can make it easy to dismiss significant warning signs.

Don’t make that mistake. When suicide has been mentioned, it is important to take immediate action in the form of a psychological evaluation.

It’s Hard

It really is. Almost all of the considerations listed above, with perhaps the exception of the final one, can be considered normal behaviors for a teenager. Except you’re probably reading this article because they didn’t feel very normal to you.

That feeling of unease is perhaps your most powerful tool in identifying when something is troubling your child. Don’t ignore it. If you think that they are going through a hard time don’t wait for the signs to become more significant. Act on it. Start having conversations with them.

If those conversations don’t get you anywhere, consider speaking with a school counselor for further advice and input.

Schools do have resources designed for addressing precisely this problem. Of course, you do want to make sure your actions don’t alienate your child or damage their trust in you. Make sure it all starts with a frank conversation.

Tell them why you are concerned. Tell them you would like to work together to discuss what is going on. Explain that if that doesn’t get anywhere, you will need to take additional steps, which might involve contacting their school.

It’s possible that the issue is not cyberbullying at all. It’s also possible that you will still need to contact their school, even if your child cooperates with what you are saying. No matter what, you can pretty much count on the experience being at least emotionally difficult for everyone involved.

One of the toughest truths for parents is that you can’t protect your children from everything. But by being proactive and determined, you can help prevent problems from escalating.

Photo Credit

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Guest Author Bio
Sarah Daren

With a Bachelor’s in Health Science along with an MBA, Sarah Daren has a wealth of knowledge within both the health and business sectors. Her expertise in scaling and identifying ways tech can improve the lives of others has led Sarah to be a consultant for a number of startup businesses, most prominently in the wellness industry, wearable technology and health education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life with a focus on making America a healthier and safer place for future generations to come.

I wish I was a better son, a better father, a better mate, a better man. I have tons of regrets, but what’s the point? What do we do? What do I do? We move…. motion creates momentum. Or that’s what I keep telling myself anyways.

We have to look at the silver lining. It’s hard sometimes, especially when you deal with depression and anxiety. Not to mention coming to terms with the fact that there was abuse in my past. Help is what is needed. I realized that. That and family. A supportive family.

None of us are alone. Someone is out there willing to listen, care, and help. We also need to be the ones to swallow our pride and ego and look for help. Accept the help.

Life’s not easy, especially now. The world seems so upside down. Doesn’t help those who suffer from some sort of mental illness or abuse. Have to get through the muck and take ourselves back.

Selfishness can be a good thing. No, not the conceited ego filled selfishness. You first, then you can take care of others and other situations. The tricky part is the self. Like I have stated before, I don’t always practice what I preach. But who does?

J.R.

Photo Credits

Photos are by Joel Rosario – All Rights Reserved

Guest Author Bio
Joel Rosario

Just a human trying to deal in this mad world. Allow me to share random thoughts and observations about my life and the commonality we all share as humans. Through music, quotes, etc.

Website: Resound and Rebel

Now, the years have passed, memories have faded, there are still the after effects, the mark left by my strange, imprisoned life. Was I a victim? Most would say yes. But playing the victim isn’t my thing.

No matter how strong someone is, or thinks they are, we are humans. We have feelings, wants, needs, what have you. We all experience human things… physically and emotionally. Repeated abuse can take its toll… even the strongest would have to succumb. I guess that’s me in a nutshell.

I was young and dumb. Had a decent childhood. Latino homes are a little different though… if you know, you know. A kind, passive father figure and a mother figure that was loving, but stern. Loving nonetheless. Maybe I should have listened, maybe I WAS a victim.

J.R.

Photo Credits

Photos are by Joel Rosario – All Rights Reserved

Guest Author Bio
Joel Rosario

Just a human trying to deal in this mad world. Allow me to share random thoughts and observations about my life and the commonality we all share as humans. Through music, quotes, etc.

Website: Resound and Rebel

Why am I even saying this? Perhaps that it feels like I still have coping,healing, and conquering to do. I struggle, but I keep going. The past few years have been an opportunity for a do-over, and I want to do it right this time.

Being diagnosed with mixed depression and anxiety disorder came as no surprise. Been through a lot. But all things considered, life is good. Being human is good. I can’t lie to you and say everything is perfect. It’s not. But that’s how life works. That’s what being human is like. You win some you lose some.

I suppose that’s it. Realization that you do win or lose some. There will be losses. How we deal is also important as well. Trust me, I am a work in progress and don’t always practice what I preach. But it’s not so much the journey, but the bumps in the road and how you navigate.

It’s not easy, and there’s days where I want to give up, but I try and look at the silver linings in my life. Especially now. Things are going well even though at times it doesn’t seem like it. But is that one of our human flaws? Looking for issues that aren’t there? Completely made up by us most of the time.

So, even though I’ve been through a lot, experienced darkness in abundance, feeling pain and anguish, I do feel like I’m somewhat taking control. That’s what we need to strive for, no? Our lives as humans.

J.R.

Photo Credits

Photos are by Joel Rosario – All Rights Reserved

Guest Author Bio
Joel Rosario

Just a human trying to deal in this mad world. Allow me to share random thoughts and observations about my life and the commonality we all share as humans. Through music, quotes, etc.

Website: Resound and Rebel

These limitations exist because of a long list of statistics (sometimes staggering) contributing alcohol to a number of issues, including abuse and domestic violence, vehicle accidents, and poor performance at work (among many others).

Social media certainly has its upsides, and has been proven to be a great way for kids to still be able to converse with their friends during the times of school closures and no sports, but it is far less regulated than the main stream media, and relevant to alcohol, this can be a very real issue. For instance, many children suffer from anxiety, and those who do are more likely to look beyond their medications as ways to cope… including alcohol.

Dr. Kent Bausman, a professor in the online sociology program at Maryville University says that “social media posts of young adults and adolescents engaged in alcohol or illicit drug consumption frequently receive positive attention through ‘likes’ from their peers. This is important, as some have argued that this serves as an extension of positive reinforcement increasing the likelihood of repeating these negative behaviors.”

However, he notes that it is important to consider that when it comes to “experimentation with alcohol and illicit drugs prior to the explosion of social media, research has always noted the importance of who one associated with in predicting use.  Adolescents and young adults that engage in excessive alcohol consumption or abuse of illicit drugs are more likely to have in their social network similarly engaged individuals.”

Statistics

There are fair arguments on both sides of the proverbial coin when it comes to limiting and/or censoring what can be posted on social media. The majority of the time, censorship regarding individual posts is very limited, aiming to prevent nudity and hate speech, but not much else. When it comes to paid advertising on social media, there are a few more rules, most of which stems from similar laws pertaining to mainstream advertising.

Unfortunately, though, the vast majority of social media postings that are seen are personal posts, devoid of any limitations on alcohol use or even promotion. In a Columbia University survey, it was determined that teens who use social media are more likely to use alcohol, simply put. Compared to kids who have never seen a photo of people drinking, those who have are 3 times more likely to use the drug during their teen years, and many of those surveyed could not remember their first time seeing someone drinking on social media.

According to Dr. Mai-Ly Nguyen Steers, assistant professor at Duquesne University, “alcohol-related posts can also influence how much young people drink by influencing young people’s perceptions of how much other people drink. If a young person is a heavier drinker, they may see other people posting heavy drinking content and believe that the majority of other youths are engaging in that behavior, which in turn, can encourage them to maintain their heavy drinking.”

For college-aged social media users (about half of whom can legally consume alcohol), there are direct relations to those who post pictures of alcohol consumption and those who develop binge drinking problems. Alcohol companies looking to slide by the mainstream regulations certainly aren’t helping, and offer incentives to those legal-age social media users who tag themselves drinking a given brand of beer, liquor, seltzer, etc.

“On the other hand, youths who do not drink but are exposed to alcohol-related content on social media may believe that they are the only ones that do not drink. Thus, they may feel the need drink to fit in. This can be problematic in that students generally receive overwhelming positive feedback on their alcohol-related posts to social media, which can lead to cyclical increases in drinking and posting of alcohol-related content, not only among the individual student, but also among those within their social media network,” Dr. Steers adds.

Fair Use

Social media is also home to an endless supply of special offers for “checking in” at a certain restaurant, or posting a picture of that establishment…. And almost all of these special offers involve some discounted drinks. With that in mind, even in the simplest, most innocent ways, social media is responsible for increases in alcohol consumption in the United States, and avoiding social media is as difficult as it is impractical, given all of the positive uses (including groups for recovering alcoholics to mingle online and things of the like). With that in mind, regulation can only prevent so much, but it might be worth taking some steps to at least help turn around the numbers mentioned regarding youth and alcohol consumption relevant to social media use.

Helping the Issue

If you’re a parent, keeping an eye on your children’s social media usage is certainly easier said than done in a world of tablets and cell phones, but it really can make a difference in limiting their alcohol consumption. Simply talking to your kids about what they may see on social media and sharing some of the not-so-appealing effects alcohol can have on the mind, body, relationships, and more is also an important step because, let’s face it, keeping an eye on all of their social media use would be a full-time job.

Combatting the bad with the good is also a solid move for adults, and sharing statistics about alcohol on your own pages can help people mellow out on their usage a bit, and also doing things like sharing resources for recovering alcoholics can help add some to the “good” column in the alcohol-and-social-media continuum.

Photo Credit

Image by Ben Kerckx from Pixabay

Guest Author Bio
Sarah Daren

With a Bachelor’s in Health Science along with an MBA, Sarah Daren has a wealth of knowledge within both the health and business sectors. Her expertise in scaling and identifying ways tech can improve the lives of others has led Sarah to be a consultant for a number of startup businesses, most prominently in the wellness industry, wearable technology and health education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life with a focus on making America a healthier and safer place for future generations to come.

Author Robert Uttaro speaking to the US military

Sexual violence is the least reported violent crime that affects countless women, men, and children of every ethnicity, gender, religious/spiritual beliefs, sexual orientation and socio-economic status. No one is exempt, and no statistic can show the true prevalence of sexual violence because it is shrouded in silence and secrecy. There are justified reasons why the majority of people do not speak about their experiences, such as fear of speaking against a family member or friend, anxiety of not being believed, or just not feeling comfortable speaking about something so traumatizing and vile. Oftentimes, there is no evidence of non-consensual acts occurring, so it is incredibly difficult to prove even if a victim/survivor wants to pursue criminal charges. Many people are suffering inside, feeling alone, and not clear on how to navigate overwhelming thoughts and emotions. For these reasons and so many more, we must be patient, gentle, compassionate and thoughtful when discussing these issues and spending time with anyone who may be affected.

Cover for the book To the Survivors

Fear, depression, suicidal thoughts, lack of self-esteem and self-worth are just some of the effects from sexual trauma, but in my twelve years as a rape crisis counselor and public educator, the deepest and most common effect among survivors I see is shame. Shame, specifically undeserved shame, will inevitably cause serious health problems and play a role in poor choices. I find it heart-breaking to witness people struggle so intensely with this shame, because the truth is that rape survivors do nothing wrong and are not the cause of anyone hurting them. How sad is that the innocent are left feeling shameful for the actions of another? It is normal to feel shame after an assault, but it is important to understand that shame can be lessened and lifted. As agonizing as a healing process can be, it is possible.

People have their power and control taken from them when they are raped or sexually assaulted, and this manifests differently with some of the ways in which people spiral out of control or become too controlling. Part of my job as a counselor is to try and help people reclaim their power and control back for themselves. One of the simple ways all of us can do this is to not blame people for being raped and/or sexually assaulted.

Humanity continues to struggle with the painful realities of sexual violence and how to respond. Our responses to disclosures of sexual violence are critical. We have the ability to lead people down a path of destruction or a path of healing, based largely on how we react. I understand this can be incredibly challenging, so I offer a simple tool to help people respond adequately to disclosures. I ask that you “BLESS” them. Here is how:

Believe: Believe that person if they disclose.
Listen: Listen to that person when they need to talk, cry, or scream. Listen to their silence.
Empathy: Empathize with that person as best you can.
Safety: Ensure that person’s physical, emotional, mental and spiritual safety.
Support: Support that person in what they need at the time.

All of us truly can make a difference and provide more light in this broken world. If you feel a calling to get involved with these issues or are moved in your heart by something else, please act on it. Fight through insecurities and fears, know that you have been given gifts, and make wise use of the time you have on this earth.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of sexual violence, please check out these resources and others:

• Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN)
• National Sexual Violence Resource Center
• Survivors Chat
• After Silence
• National Eating Disorders.org
• National Suicide Prevention
• Online Suicide Crisis Network
• International Association For Suicide Prevention

Wishing you all peace and strength.

~ Robert Uttaro

Photo Credits

Photos are courtesy of Robert Uttaro – All Rights Reserved

Guest Author Bio
Robert Uttaro

Robert Uttaro is currently in his 12th year as a rape crisis counselor and community educator. Inspired by his undergraduate studies in Criminal Justice, he continues to embrace a life-long commitment to activism and advocacy for survivors of sexual violence. Serving as a counselor, Uttaro supports rape survivors and their significant others through myriad emotional, spiritual, and legal issues. He also facilitates workshops that unpack the realities of sexual violence, and offers strategies for support and prevention with a focus on healing. Uttaro has been featured in magazine publications across the country and on international radio broadcasts. Through the grace of God, Uttaro’s work and To the Survivors continues to impact peoples’ minds and hearts globally.

Blog / Website: Robert Uttaro

Alcoholism, just like any other substance addiction is a disease, not a weakness of character or the result of a lack of willpower. In fact, it is the third most common lifestyle-related cause of death in the United States. Some of the signs and symptoms of alcoholism include: drinking in risky situations, having trouble at work, school or with your family because of your drinking, experiencing blackouts and not being able to quit even though you’re aware of the consequences.

Even though alcohol is the most commonly addictive substance used in the United States, there are many facts about it you may still not know or be confused about. For example, have you ever asked yourself how long does alcohol stay in your system? Did you know alcohol abuse and alcohol addiction are different things?

If you think either you or a loved one may have an alcohol problem, or even just for common knowledge, it is important to learn the basics of alcoholism. To help you understand this disease better, here are 7 facts on alcoholism everyone should know.

1. Alcohol affects your brain

Alcohol affects your brain’s chemistry by altering the neurotransmitters, which are the chemicals your brain uses to communicate and control processes throughout the body. More specifically, alcohol suppresses the “excitatory” neurotransmitters which should increase brain activity and energy, and increases “inhibitory” neurotransmitters which reduces energy and calms you down.

So, as a result, your thought, speech, and movements are slowed down. In addition, alcohol also increases your brain’s dopamine levels, tricking you into thinking you’re actually feeling good.

2. Alcohol affects men and women differently

Men and women process alcohol differently due to several physiological factors. Even a man and a woman of almost the same height and weight will process the same amount of alcohol in a different way, because of physiological factors such as stomach enzymes, hormones, the ratio of muscle to fat, and water concentration in the body.

Studies show that women are more vulnerable to the adverse effects of alcohol than men, such as organ damage, accidents and trauma, and legal and interpersonal issues.

3. Alcohol abuse is not the same as alcoholism

The criteria for alcohol dependence and alcohol abuse are similar, but they are not the same. The main difference rests in the control you have over yourself and your drinking. When you’re abusing alcohol you may be neglecting responsibilities so you can drink, your drinking is probably attached to coping with emotions such as stress or sadness and you may be putting yourself in risky situations while drinking.

Nevertheless, you’re able to quit drinking as you wish, without professional help and don’t experience withdrawal. Alcoholism means you’re not able to quit on your own even if you’re aware of the consequences.

4. Alcoholism is progressive

Though alcohol abuse may not always lead to alcohol dependence, alcoholism is mostly preceded by abuse. You don’t become an alcoholic after having one drink; it takes time to build a tolerance to the substance, in which you progressively lose control of your ability to decide when to stop drinking.

5. Alcoholism can trigger depression and anxiety (and vice versa)

Some people who suffer from anxiety and depression disorders often use alcohol as a way to unwind and relax given that alcohol has a sedative effect. However, this may be actually backfiring on them.

While alcohol can temporarily reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, it can increase them a few hours after consumption, making the person want to drink again to alleviate these symptoms, thus creating a vicious cycle. Also, studies show that excessive alcohol consumption can “rewire” the brain, making a person more susceptible to developing mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety.

6. It has a genetic component

Between 50 and 60 percent of the chances of developing alcoholism are determined by genetics. However, this doesn’t mean that genes alone will preordain whether you become an alcoholic or not, it also has to do with features in the environment.

Research has shown that both drug and alcohol addiction run in families, which is due partially to the genetic component of addiction and the experience of witnessing substance abuse first hand.

7. Recovery from alcoholism is possible

Nowadays there is a wide variety of treatment and support options for alcoholics that make recovery from this disease an attainable goal. Some of the most popular methods include support groups, 12 steps programs, inpatient, and outpatient rehab programs and detoxification. Depending on the severity of the disease, choosing the right kind of help is essential to properly recover and make the process easier and more comfortable.

Now that you know these facts on alcoholism you may be able to understand better how this disease works. Hopefully, this article has clarified some doubts you may have had about alcoholism and dismantled stereotypes about it, helping you get some perspective. Remember, if you or a loved one shows signs of alcoholism or alcohol abuse, you should reach out for help.

Do you know any more facts about alcoholism? If you have any questions or suggestions, please leave a comment below.

Photo Credits

Photo is pixabay creative commons

Silhouette Feature Image – maxpixel public domain

Guest Author Bio
Andrew Macia

Hi, my name is Andy! I was born in Bogotá, Colombia, but raised in Los Angeles, California. I spend my time helping others with their recovery and growing my online business. 

LAAH: What exactly is it that you do?

Project Village Bracelets is a company that is being launched very soon and our mission is to employ and empower underprivileged women in Toronto, Canada through the production and sales of our trendy bracelets. Our goal is to break the cycle of dependence and create life lasting change. By employing these women we give them a job that pays well, but the bonus is they will have access to empowerment programs, will be with positive influences in a positive environment, and if they choose they can work from home to be with their families and also continue working day jobs if they have previous employment. We will help them reach their personal and socioeconomic goals.

LAAH: When did you start?

We will be launching our Indiegogo Campaign very soon and are so excited to share our bracelets with the world and show how making socially conscious and forward thinking purchases can make a world of change in peoples lives. Stay tuned…

LAAH: Why do you do it and what is the motivation or passion that keeps you going?

We believe that to create real sustainable change you need to empower. Charitable or government handouts just perpetuate the cycle of dependence and don’t allow for real change to occur. We want to really shake things up and prove that our model makes an impact and then after we have had success in Toronto, we hope to launch in other cities to continue to empower underprivileged women. We believe that strong women, should help strengthen other women and that extends to all people. We should help lift each other up instead of putting each other down.

LAAH: Who are your allies and supporters in this enterprise?

So far we have a wonderful support system that is going to really help us make an impact. PACT Urban Peace Program and the Jean Augustine Center for Young Women’s Empowerment have taken us under their wing and have given us access to their programs, coaches and facilities. We are thrilled!

LAAH: Like anything in life worth working for there must be difficulties and struggles too. Can you share with us what have been your greatest challenges?

Lets be honest, starting any company is scary, but starting a company that needs sales to support your giving model … EVEN SCARIER!  So we need to depend on our supporters, to help this mission come to fruition.  By supporting, sharing and talking about Project Village, they are giving more chances for us to reach more women in need and continue to support the ones that join us early on.

LAAH: How can people help you?

People can help by liking and following us on social media and subscribing to our website mailing list. By doing so they will be the first to know when we launch our campaign and exactly how they can support us on our mission. A simple start to making a difference.

“We are trying to establish our online community because after all, it takes a village.  So please join the movement and subscribe at ProjectVillage.ca !  Thank you so much in advance”

Photo Credits

All Photos Are © Project Village & “”Enzee Creative“

Guest Author Bio – Anna Gala

Anna Gala is the founder of Project Village Bracelets and dedicated to making a difference.  She has been involved with various charitable foundations for more then a decade, and decided she wanted to make an impact in her own way.  Working for TOMS Shoes for 4 years has served as a great education in giving models and the retail industry and she can now fine tune her mission to be as impactful as possible.  Her mottos are “Strong women should help strengthen other women” & “Being kind is always in fashion”

Website: Project Village

Follow: Facebook | Twitter 

Sitting at my desk

With a piece of paper

Unable to write

Not knowing what to say

Or how to say it.

I felt like a painter

Sitting at an easel

Not knowing what to paint

Not knowing how to make

That first brush stroke.

I knew I had a writer’s block

I just didn’t know what

To do about it.

I finally managed to gut it out

And began to write

I wanted to write a book

So I hid out in a library

Way at the back

So no one could find me

Or ask me

What I was doing

It seemed pretty weird

At the time.

I just didn’t know why

I needed to do it that way.

Finally, I finished a book.

Then it was time

To send it to publishers

That felt more scary

Than writing had been

I still didn’t know why,

But I managed to gut it out

And sent my book

Off to publishing companies

*

Then I had that most amazing

Phone call.

A publisher called me back.

“I loved your book.  I spent

the entire weekend reading it.

I couldn’t put it down.”

You’d think

That was really exciting news

For a writer.

Instead – I was terrified.

Crippled with fear.

It seemed pretty weird

At the time

I just didn’t know why that was.

 *

Then a second publisher was interested

I tried to gut it out

And keep moving forward.

I couldn’t do it.

I told myself

“I’ve just lost touch

with the project.

I need time to reflect.”

I walked away from the book

And the publishers.

I got so frustrated,

That at one point

I wrote a poem about it:

 “The desire to express,

I was taught to repress

Has caused me a block

I wish to unlock.

I pick up the pen,

I start writing again,

I feel the flow,

And then I stop.”

 *

I went on my way

For a number of years,

Then felt led to write a second book.

It was to be a novel,

About a part of

My Dad’s healing journey.

Writing that book led

To a grand adventure

That included

Working on wheat harvest

To explore my Dad’s path.

I came home

I managed to gut it out,

And wrote that novel.

Again,

Publishers were interested

And I felt déjà vu

As the whole thing happened again.

I walked away from that book,

Saying

“I’ve lost touch with the project,

I need time to reflect.”

 *

By this point I was so frustrated

I decided

If I couldn’t get past this whole

Writer’s block,

I would just take up golf.

And at one point,

I did just that.

I bought some golf clubs

Determined to leave writing behind

Forever.

But the desire to write

Was just that strong

I had to keep going.

It led to a most unexpected place.

Back to my grandmother’s house

When I was eight years old.

I remembered something she had said.

She had asked me

What I wanted to be

When I grew up.

With the joy of a child I said

“Oh, I want to be a famous writer.”

She frowned, and said,

“Oh no, you don’t want to do that.”

Puzzled, I fell for the bait,

And asked: “Why not?”

With an evil grin on her face,

She said,

“Because if you do that,

They’ll call you crazy

And lock you up.”

*

So there it was

The reason

My writing

Would get locked up

The reason I hid in a library

To write a book

The reason I wouldn’t

Let my books

See the light of publication.

Now as an adult,

I could write off

What she had said

As the ramblings of a somewhat

Nutty old grandma.

But when I was eight,

I couldn’t figure that out,

Especially when she told me

“Don’t talk about this.”

 *

And later I remembered,

She hammered the nails

Of her evil intentions

Into my heart

With extremely vicious

Lies and actions

Abusive and cruel,

Which built a wall

Around my writing

That I couldn’t overcome.

*

But by bringing to the surface

What had locked up

My writing for

Forty five years,

At least

I had something

To work on.

It led to a lot of hard work,

Releasing the pain,

Overcoming what had been

Burned into my soul.

I knew I had made

A lot of progress,

When I published my first book.

Now I am writing

My next book

The story of how Grandma

Tried to poison my soul

And my journey

To overcome the writer’s block

She gave me.

I will expose those lies

To the light

And let them wither up and die

Like lies deserve to do.

**************

Photo Credits:

Images From – The Microsoft Office Clip Art Collection