LIFE AS A HUMAN https://lifeasahuman.com The online magazine for evolving minds. Tue, 18 Mar 2025 17:33:29 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.2 29644249 Things To Do With Your Grandchildren Over The Easter Holidays https://lifeasahuman.com/2025/holidays/things-to-do-with-your-grandchildren-over-the-easter-holidays/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2025/holidays/things-to-do-with-your-grandchildren-over-the-easter-holidays/#respond Thu, 20 Mar 2025 11:00:08 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com/?p=407375 Easter is officially around the corner, meaning it is time to start thinking about activities to do with your grandchildren. The lucky thing is that they will appreciate anything, just as long as they are doing something.

Easter is one of those holidays where the parents will find it difficult to get the time off so it is time for grandparents to step up, especially now you are retired. So, if you are struggling with things to do this Easter, then we have gathered a list of some of the best activities to do with your grandchildren.

Easter Egg Crafts

With it being Easter, it is the perfect time to get crafty with an Easter theme. The only other holiday that is perfect for this is Christmas. Nevertheless, there are a lot of things that you can craft during the Easter holidays. So, be prepared to get messy.

Easter Egg Decor

Starting with painted Easter eggs. You can’t get any more on theme than painted Easter eggs, and they take a bit of time to craft. So, you can guarantee that you will keep them entertained for most of the day without them getting bored.

One of the benefits of Easter egg decoration is that you can customise it however you like. Plus, you have the option of painting them or using felt-tip pens to make it less messy. However, don’t be a party pooper and get some paint brushes for the grandkids.

What do you use to paint eggs? Well, you can blow out the egg yolk and whites of a real egg; however, these can be quite delicate. Instead, buy fake eggs that are plain white, which you can then decorate. Once you have finished, you can then hang these up on pieces of string and put them around the house. If the weather is nice, consider hanging them on a tree outside.

Felt Easter Eggs

Another great way to get crafty would be to create felt Easter eggs. Egg-themed decorations are always great fun so when it comes to felt Easter eggs, things just get a little better. All you need to do here is buy those fake eggs again and buy some felt. Then glue the felt onto the eggs and there you have it, felt Easter eggs. A simple and very easy way of decorating Easter eggs for the children.

Paper Mache Eggs

Paper mache eggs are something that most of us remember when we were children at school. It seemed to be a great day when it came around each year in primary or elementary school. It is a memory that you have probably forgotten until you came across it here.

Now, this is certainly one of the messiest craft activities that we can do however, it is one of the most fun. We recommend that when you do this, you do it on an old blanket or even a plastic cover just to ensure you are not getting glue all over the floor.

Another great point about this is that it is very time-consuming as well, especially if you are going to be decorating it at the end. Once you have glued the tissue together, you have to wait for it to dry. Then you can get some paint brushes out and decorate them to how you want them to look. They can take a while to dry, though, so you will need to find something to do in the meantime.

Easter Egg Games

Now, if crafts are something that you don’t want to do due to all of the mess it creates then that is very understandable. Nonetheless, you cannot be that boring grandparent who does nothing with their children during Easter. So you have to find something fun such as an Easter egg game.

Easter Egg Hunts

This is something that every child loves and you can make this game very competitive as well. Basically, all you need to say to your grandchildren is they can only have the chocolate when they find it so hide their Easter eggs in places they will be able to get to BUT, make it difficult for them. This needs to keep them entertained for a while, so consider getting them 3-5 small Easter eggs and scatter them all around your home. If you have a back garden, then consider hiding some of them in there as well.

Egg and Spoon Race

Another entertaining game but one where they can get even more competitive. If you are still good on your feet and great at balancing the egg, then you should surprise them with your skills. As we all know, kids have no patience so if they see you taking the lead, they will start running and more than likely, the egg will fall off and you win.

The benefit of an egg and spoon race is more than just the overall competitiveness of the game. It is also an opportunity to improve their hand and eye coordination skills, which is something we all need to improve at such a young age.

If you want to get endless hours of fun out of this game, we recommend buying fake eggs that you can reuse for the race. These will also be better if you will be hosting your egg-and-spoon race indoors.

Summary

There are many wonderful things to do over the Easter holidays and they can kill a lot of time. Ideally, you want to make them feel fatigued with all the activities in the morning so they can become more relaxed in the afternoon, although some children can run around for hours.

If you are ever struggling for things to do, then consider baking or going through their old baby gift sets with them. See what they want to keep or what they can give away and if they do want to give stuff away, this can be part of the Easter fun.

Photo Credit

Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels


Guest Author Bio
Cathy Fletcher

Cathy Fletcher is a retired physiotherapist based in Manchester, UK, with a rich 40-year career in the NHS. After navigating the challenges of divorce and retirement, Cathy discovered a new purpose: empowering individuals over 50 to live their best lives and uncover new passions. Her personal journey through these significant life changes has fuelled her commitment to sharing insights and experiences with others in similar stages.

 

 

 

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Selling Your Home for the Holidays: Tips and Resources https://lifeasahuman.com/2025/home-living/selling-your-home-for-the-holidays-tips-and-resources/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2025/home-living/selling-your-home-for-the-holidays-tips-and-resources/#respond Fri, 17 Jan 2025 16:50:28 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com/?p=407164 As the holiday season approaches, many homeowners might consider it a downtime for the real estate market. However, with the right approach, selling your home during this festive time can be uniquely advantageous. From creating a warm, inviting atmosphere to taking advantage of reduced competition, there are several strategies to make your property stand out. Keep reading for a comprehensive guide on how to make the most of the holiday market and successfully sell your home.

Staging Your Home for a Cozy Holiday Appeal

Staging your home during the holidays can significantly enhance its appeal to potential buyers. A well-staged home can create an emotional pull, as it helps buyers visualize celebrating their own holidays within the space. Consider incorporating subtle holiday decorations that complement your home’s features without overwhelming them.

Opt for neutral holiday elements that can harmonize with varying tastes, such as elegant wreaths or a tasteful garland. The key is to evoke the holiday spirit without personalizing too much, allowing buyers to picture their own traditions taking place there. This staging approach can extend to outdoor spaces as well, making your home inviting from the first glance.

Making use of artificial Christmas trees can offer an elegant touch without the hassle of pine needles and upkeep. An artificial tree allows for consistent staging aesthetic and worry-free maintenance, giving you one less thing to consider during this busy time. Remember to keep the staging spacious and the walkways clear, ensuring buyers have room to move freely.

Marketing Your Home During the Holiday Season

The holiday season offers unique marketing opportunities for your listed property. Strategically using the spirit of the season in your marketing materials can give you an edge. Highlighting your home’s ability to host gatherings or its cozy wintry charm can be very appealing in your listings.

Take advantage of fewer homes on the market by ensuring your online presence is striking with high-quality photos. These photos should capture the essence of your home’s holiday staging, showcasing the potential for festivities and intimate family gatherings. It’s important for images to reflect the inviting warmth of your home, inviting buyers to envision their future holidays there.

Incorporate video tours that embrace the holiday theme, enabling distant buyers to experience the atmosphere of your property. Real estate professionals, such as real estate agents, can provide valuable insight into particular market trends during the holiday season and assist in optimizing your marketing strategy.

Navigating Holiday Home Showings With Ease

During the holidays, scheduling showings requires careful consideration. Flexibility is key, as prospective buyers might have limited availability due to their own seasonal activities. Work with your real estate agent to establish a showing schedule that is accommodating yet maintains your family’s routine.

Prioritize safety and accessibility by ensuring driveways and walkways are clear of snow or leaves. Proper lighting is also important for creating a welcoming ambiance and guiding visitors safely to your front door during evening viewings. This attention to detail can leave a lasting positive impression.

To minimize disruption, have a plan for quick clean-ups post celebrations and ensure your home is ready for viewing at a moment’s notice. This might mean simplifying your holiday celebrations, but it ensures that your home remains presentable for potential buyers.

Pricing Strategies to Attract Holiday Homebuyers

Pricing your home correctly is always important, but even more so during the holidays when buyer activity might ebb. Work with your real estate professional to understand the current market conditions and set a competitive price. A home that is priced appropriately can stand out, potentially leading to quicker offers.

Since the holiday market can be less crowded, it may be tempting to price higher due to reduced competition. Resist this urge, as buyers are still looking for value. A strategically priced home can be particularly attractive to those hoping to close before the year’s end for tax purposes.

Consider incentives that align with the holiday season, like a closing cost credit as a “holiday gift” to buyers. This not only sweetens the deal but also adds a festive touch to your offer. Such incentives should be well-thought-out and discussed with your agent to ensure they make sense financially.

Altogether, selling your home during the holidays can be more of an opportunity than a challenge. By deploying strategic staging, marketing, and pricing, you can attract serious buyers and possibly close the sale before the new year. Overall, with careful planning and a touch of holiday cheer, your home can be the ultimate gift for the right buyer—and a successful end to the year for you.

Photo Credits

Photos are by Jessie Guerrero

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Ho, Ho, Ho and Merry Friggin’ Christmas https://lifeasahuman.com/2024/holidays/seasons-greetings/ho-ho-ho-and-merry-friggin-christmas/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2024/holidays/seasons-greetings/ho-ho-ho-and-merry-friggin-christmas/#comments Wed, 18 Dec 2024 12:05:46 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com/?p=407065&preview=true&preview_id=407065 I’m not a Christmas person. I’m not good at it. Truth be told, I despise it. Especially now that it starts in August. The commercialism and greed sticks in my craw like a grease-soaked cotton ball. If I were in charge, I’d make Christmas references illegal until after the first of December.

Speaking of greed. I’m stood on the street corner, waiting for the light to turn. The polar gusts somehow coil icy tendrils into my heavy winter jacket, leaving me shivering. A pathetic excuse for a Santa swings a bell that sounds as if someone had dropped shards of glass into a cheap tin cup. His drooping red sack of a coat is tarnished with soot and enhances a skeletal frame, he didn’t even have the decency to stuff a pillow under his shirt.

I glare at him, not hiding my disdain. Beside him, a handwritten sign, glued beneath a cracked plastic bowl wired to an old shower curtain rod might fool a distracted passerby, but not me. There’s a pitiful pile of coins at the bottom, like he couldn’t even be bothered. This guy’s a fraud. I should report him to the police. How despicable, a thieving Santa.

He’s not even wearing boots, just those fake wrap-around pieces of felt one sees in children’s plays. What a joke.

As the crowd surges forward, I catch a glimpse of his shoes, they’re full of holes, taped and covered in black marker. Blue skin, tight against bony ankles, protrudes above the shoes.

The light flashes green and I’m swept across the street. Grateful a few minutes later to be snug in my warm office and holding a mug decorated with eight tiny reindeer. Tendrils of steam wafts up, promising a hot cup of wakeup.

I pull the shutters down, but all day, whenever I hear the icy pellets rattle my windowpanes, I think about corner fraud Santa. I’d spent five minutes outside, dashing from parking lot to office, wrapped in a heavy jacket, grateful to get in out of the elements. Is raggedy Santa still on the corner, I wonder.

Eight hours later, when I step out onto the streets, colourful city lights twinkle against newly fallen snow. It’s almost up to the top of my low hikers. Heavy flakes, thick as blobs of yogurt, are still falling. I’m buffeted by shoulders, arms and hips by the masses of shoppers as they stream by me. Inside my thick toque the noise of the city is muffled, but, as I move closer to the corner, I hear the pathetic sound of broken glass.

Santa’s still there, arms wrapped around his body, hands covered in black socks. He’s stamping, almost prancing, trying to keep his feet from freezing. I hurry past him, he’s huddled close to a brick wall, his only windbreak. Recalling my self-righteous glare from this morning, I drop my gaze, the memory makes my cheeks sting more than the cold.

I hesitate at the parking entrance, then instead of going in, I continue toward a nearby discount army and navy store. Its windows stream friendly golden light, promising warmth and the pungent aroma of gun oil. Once inside, I scramble up and down aisles, guessing at sizes and filling my bags. Santa doesn’t even look up when I stop in front of him. “Here,” I say holding out two large sacks. “Put these on before you lose your hands and feet.”

He jerks and reaches out instinctively; his mouth widens into an oh. There’s a sturdy pair of boots inside. Two pairs of woolen socks, heavy black mittens, snow pants and a dark green scarf. Water floods his eyes; a perfect droplet clings to an eyelash as if reluctant to fall. Or maybe its already frozen in place.

“Oh. And I almost forgot…” I pull a red toque, trimmed in white fur, from my jacket pocket. I’d stolen it from our window display as I was leaving. “Santa needs a hat.”

His mouth moves but there’s no sound. Tears sparkle against his white cheeks, but before he can speak, I turn and run.

Merry friggin Christmas, I think as I make a beeline for my car. 

Photo Credit

Photo is courtesy of the author

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A Little Magic https://lifeasahuman.com/2024/holidays/seasons-greetings/a-little-magic/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2024/holidays/seasons-greetings/a-little-magic/#comments Thu, 21 Nov 2024 12:00:45 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com/?p=407036&preview=true&preview_id=407036 They say that time heals all wounds. The death of a spouse or child or parent or anyone for that matter can be so devastating that some people just stop living. The wounds never heal, they can’t find joy in anything, they are standing at the edge of the abyss and wishing somehow they could jump. But they are caught between wanting to be with their loved one on the other side or continuing on with those that are left behind. You are not alone in your grief, others are grieving too, you just can’t see them because your own pain blinds you.

Christmas is coming up in a month and for many it is a time to weep, a time to lie in bed with the covers over your head, a time to scream and yell and wish that
Christmas would just piss off.

It doesn’t, it can’t. Christmas is a time for many to look inward, to find solace and hope. It is a spiritual time of gratitude and thankfulness for many, a time of wonder and childlike magic. Christmas is about babies looking at the Christmas tree for the first time. That look of awe and expectation of all things good.

As a child, Christmas was one of the most glorious times of the year in our house. My parents would spend hours preparing for parties and dinners and guests. A time for those far away to phone and send their Best Christmas wishes.

The one thing all of us children hoped for on Christmas was snow. Because what could be more fun than building forts and having snow ball fights and making angels in a freshly fallen snow. Taking our toboggans to the hill and putting in some good runs, up and down we would go rosy cheeked and so very happy. Shouting with joy and maybe a bit of fear that your sled would crash but mostly it was about the fun.

Christmas was for me as an adult just as fun as it was for me as a child. For what is Christmas about than tradition, those things that were done as a child will repeat themselves as you age. The parties and get-togethers, reaching out to those that are far away. Waiting for that first snowfall so you can finally get the kids outside to play.

Its about baking cookies and cakes and treats of all kinds. Of making gingerbread houses and telling your child their house was perfect even though it had no walls. Christmas was for us a time of joy! My husband was in charge of the tree and the lights. This was a job he loved and he looked forward to sitting in the dark after the lights were up and just taking in the beauty of the tree. I would say our house was full of love.

Christmas to me now has changed in so many ways. I am a senior, sixty-six years old going on sixty-seven. The past few years my husband was ill with cancer and passed away in 2023. This is my second Christmas without him. Each day is tough but holidays are particularly hard. I had so many wonderful Christmas days with my husband that those memories keep me going. I also have awesome children and great friends that bring me so much joy. Time does heal wounds sort of, time makes it feel not so close.

This Christmas my children and I will celebrate with a beautiful tree and lights and my grandson will be with us, a bonus. He is after all one of our gifts having him here with us. My husband will be with us in spirit, in love in how we remember him every day. But on Christmas we will remember how he loved to look at the tree and how it glowed in the night.

I hope you find the meaning of Christmas in your heart. That you don’t fall prey to lying in bed weeping but that you rejoice in the fact that you are alive and that your loved ones who have passed will be grateful that you have found peace. Peace in your heart and soul, that you know deep down they are happy and without pain or sadness that they too are rejoicing that you are alive.

Wishing you all a very Merry and Bright Christmas!

Photo Credits

Photos by Martha Farley – All Rights Reserved

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The Sweet Smells of Christmas https://lifeasahuman.com/2022/relationships/family/the-sweet-smells-of-christmas/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2022/relationships/family/the-sweet-smells-of-christmas/#respond Tue, 06 Dec 2022 12:00:12 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com/?p=404274&preview=true&preview_id=404274 The parties were alive with music!Our house, in the days of old, became a different kind of place around the Christmas season. It started with the baking, the making of pastry dough, which my mother had down to perfection; a craft few can do. She would use this dough to make many assorted goodies, one of which was Joe’s Meat Pie, named after her father. It was made with beef, onions, carrots, various other ingredients and spices. It was a dish he found the most delicious. Mom would make huge pies and serve them to guests over the holidays, either at parties or for dinner. Those pies were famous amongst family and friends.

The kitchen was small and yet Mom had the magic touch in that tiny space. She could produce the most amazing things with flour, butter and sugar. And there were always pans of her nuts and bolts and cheese straws. All sorts of her fruit pies – apple, strawberry and blueberry – were frozen in her giant freezer in the garage. 

Mom and Dad were masters at being hosts. At parties, and in particular le Réveillon on Christmas Eve, Mom would cook up a ham and roast beef or a turkey with all the trimmings. Dad looked after the bar – rye, rum, whiskey, vodka, gin, beer and wine for dinner. And of course his favorite apéritif. He loved those tiny glasses and the rich taste of Irish cream. And the parties were always alive with music! My parents’ friends were all so talented and could play the piano or guitar or both. And the singing and dancing! I would sit on the stairs when I was very young until I was old enough to join in the festivities that lasted into the wee hours. It was always a treat to listen to the merriment! Good food, family and friends...At midnight Mom would start bringing out trays and platters of food, and would lay down a feast amongst the candles and linens and branches of sweet-smelling pine. No expense was spared when it came to le Réveillon. There were beans with almonds and mushroom sauce, turnips and yams and mashed potatoes so creamy they would melt in your mouth, and broccoli au gratin made with old cheddar cheese. Mom never scrimped on butter or cheese. Her famous CCC (Chocolate Chip Cookies), oatmeal cookies, peanut butter cookies, chocolate candy and roasted almonds were always plentiful. She would let me taste a cookie in the dining room with her; we would chat while I ate my cookie and she had a smoke break. Her tomato aspic was something I always remember but could never quite understand why someone would eat it. Every dish was prepared with love and a thankfulness for all the people who sat around that table.

Those were the days of Christmas filled with such sweet and wonderful smells coming from the kitchen. Those are the moments in time that are kept close in my heart. Memories of my mom, who could cook up a storm, rest in my heart and give me a good feeling. It’s the feeling of what Christmas means to me: good food, family and friends sharing in those special moments. I hope I’ve been a part of my children’s Christmas landscape just like my parents were a part of mine; traditions passed down to keep those special moments alive for generations to come.

 

Photo Credits

Photos courtesy of Martha Farley – all rights reserved

 

 

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How Salem Became the Most Haunted City in the World https://lifeasahuman.com/2021/holidays/halloween/how-salem-became-the-most-haunted-city-in-the-world/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2021/holidays/halloween/how-salem-became-the-most-haunted-city-in-the-world/#respond Fri, 15 Oct 2021 17:21:20 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com/?p=402677 It’s almost Halloween, and that means it’s time for all things spooky. Little kids are getting their ghoulish costumes together, and young lovers are going to see horror movies to get scared out of their socks. A brave few of us are looking to take the season’s scares to the next level.

During October, cities around the country, big and small, put up Halloween-themed attractions like haunted hayrides and paranormal escape rooms. 

But if that isn’t enough for you, you might need to travel for the real thing. Not every city in the country has as haunted of a history as Salem, Massachusetts. 

From the famous witch trials of the 17th century to the trial of Dorothy Talbye and the large population of Wiccan practitioners who live in Salem today, explore what made this colonial hamlet the most haunted city in the world. 

Cemetary

The Salem Witch Trials

The infamous witch trials began in 1692 in the township of Salem, one of the biggest colonies in the new European settlement in North America. 

It all started when two local girls, Abigail Williams and Betty Parris, accused their enslaved nurse, Tituba, of witchcraft. Over the next year, accusations piled up as the town descended into madness, executing a total of 19 men and women for connections to the Devil.

During the Salem witch trials, the murder of innocent civilians left a dark stain on the town that can still be felt (and seen) today. Take a tour with US Ghost Adventures and see for yourself.

House of the Seven Gables (1915)

The House of the Seven Gables

The famous American novelist Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote a book about the House of the Seven Gables, a foreboding-looking, black colonial home in the center of Salem. 

Also called the Turner-Ingersoll House, this bewitching building was once home to John Hathorne, a distant relative of Nathaniel’s, who served as a judge during the witch trials. The Hathornes were one of the wealthiest families in all New England before the trials, and over the generations after, members died mysteriously, grew ill, and lost their wealth in bad deals.

The “Hathorne curse” still hangs over the brooding House of the Seven Gables, threatening anyone with death, disease, and doom if they dare enter.

The Dorothy Talbye Trial

Long before the witch trials ever scattered vengeful blood across the soil of Salem, there was another grievous crime committed against an innocent. 

In 1639, a severely mentally ill woman named Dorothy Talbye killed her 3-year-old daughter “because God told her to.” The government hung her, but many legal experts at the time and nearly a consensus now believe that there must be distinctions in sentencing sane vs. insane convicts. 

Now the lost, bereaved soul of Dorothy Talbye creeps around the Salem graveyard, looking for her daughter.

October Samhain Celebrations

Practitioners of Wicca and other earth-based magic religions have re-embraced Salem as a magical, mystical town. Many modern-day witches live in and around Salem and, each October, congregate in town, lighting up wicker men and singing ancient chants to welcome the fall harvest.

Don’t Be Scared

Whether you believe in magic or not, you deserve a spooktacular Halloween. There’s no better place for that than in Salem.

 

Photo Credit

Cemetery from piqsels
The House of the Seven Gables is from Wikipedia Creative Commons


Guest Author Bio
Russell E.

Russell is an ex-Marketing Journalist. He lives in Utah with his family and is a keen aviation enthusiast in his spare time.

 

 

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Talking With Relatives Across the Political Divide During the Holidays https://lifeasahuman.com/2020/home-living/talking-with-relatives-across-the-political-divide-during-the-holidays/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2020/home-living/talking-with-relatives-across-the-political-divide-during-the-holidays/#respond Wed, 11 Nov 2020 12:00:40 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com/?p=401211 The 2020 holiday season is nearly upon us. Some people have even started to decorate for Christmas just to find some comfort in this chaotic year. The holidays might look a bit different this year thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic. But, likely, most families will still get together in some capacity, whether in person or by utilizing tools like video chat.

There are certain things most of us can agree on. One of those topics is that this year has been unforgettable in many ways. From a global pandemic to one of the biggest elections the U.S. has ever faced, there will be plenty of subjects to talk about over the holidays. Combine those topics with the standard stress of the holiday season, and you run the risk of stirring up some heated conversation with your family members.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Even if you have passionate opinions about the political state of the country, you can still have a peaceful holiday season with your family. Now that the election is over, it’s time to use the holidays as a way to reconnect and repair those strained relationships, not make them worse.

Holidays

Set Boundaries for Yourself and Others

The holidays can be stressful every year, even when the state of the world is calmer. In fact, a 2015 survey conducted by Healthline found that only 10% of people experienced no stress during the holiday season.

So, you may need to set boundaries for yourself every year. Or, at the very least, find ways to ‘escape’ and relax, including:

  • Stepping away for moments of solitude
  • Spending time outside
  • Practicing mindfulness
  • Being intentionally grateful

This year, however, with tensions so high on so many different subjects, it’s a good idea to set even more boundaries for yourself and others in your family. You control your own boundaries, of course. You can choose (no matter how difficult it might seem) whether to engage in a heated discussion or debate. You can choose to let the things people say get to you.

And, while you can’t completely control how others in your family react or respond, you can make your boundaries clear to them. Be assertive and make sure your rights are known, and learn to say “no”. Setting boundaries isn’t cruel or rude. It’s essential for your mental health.

Be an Active Listener

When you have strong opinions about something, it’s easy to ignore whatever anyone else might have to say. Unfortunately, doing so doesn’t elicit any kind of change or understanding. It’s important to remember a few things;

First, understand that people are constantly growing, learning, and even changing. Some have “political evolutions” in which their ideas might change over time. Trying to force them to change those views, however, will rarely work. Instead, be an active listener and try to understand why they feel a certain way. You don’t have to compromise your own views to be curious about someone else’s, especially when they are a part of your family. In turn, they will likely be more willing to listen openly to what you have to say. You both might gain some new understanding and learn something from each other.

One of the great things about getting together for the holidays is that it gives you a chance to have meaningful conversations. Now, more than ever, social media drives the rhetoric of what people are talking about. Unfortunately, it’s far too easy to share things that aren’t true and say things you might not really mean from behind the comfort of a keyboard.

Having in-person conversations allows you to listen intently and share your views without the rest of the Internet egging you on.

Should You Avoid Hot Topics?

Think about everything that has happened this year. Try to think about everything that has been going on over the last decade. Some of the biggest topics in our country and across the world include:

  • Global warming
  • Riots/protests
  • Racial equality
  • Social justice
  • Equal pay for everyone
  • Political divide

These are the things that people tend to talk about in gatherings. You might joke around about having a “no-politics policy” at your family gathering. But, that doesn’t mean it will keep anyone from talking about climate change or energy efficiency. It doesn’t mean someone won’t bring up a local protest or movement. Because these subjects affect our world so much, it’s nearly impossible to avoid them.

So, while you can certainly suggest leaving politics at the door this holiday season, it’s better to learn how to communicate respectfully rather than to brush important topics under the rug.

Whether you’re a mother trying to make sure your grown children get along, a college student with a new perspective or you simply want to keep the peace this holiday season, don’t be afraid to speak and listen to your family with love and respect.

Photo Credit

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels


Guest Author Bio
Jori Hamilton

Jori Hamilton is a writer and journalist from the Pacific Northwest who covers social justice issues, healthcare, and politics. You can follow her work on twitter @HamiltonJori, and through her portfolio at Writer Jori Hamilton.

 

 

 

 

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Arthur https://lifeasahuman.com/2020/relationships/family/arthur/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2020/relationships/family/arthur/#respond Thu, 25 Jun 2020 11:00:49 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com/?p=400563&preview=true&preview_id=400563 My dadHe got up from the dining room table and walked into the kitchen. He opened the dishwasher and pulled out a dirty mug.

“Dad, why don’t you use a clean mug, you have plenty of them in the cupboard,” I said.

“No, I like this one. It’s mine.”

I should have just kept quiet about the whole mug thing. Arthur was not one to flaunt his opulence, if you want to call a cupboard full of mugs opulent. He would think more than one mug was one too many.

“Dad, how come you and Mom never go on a vacation?” I asked him several years ago when they were both young enough to travel and in good health. “Where the hell would we go?” he replied. “And besides,” he said, “I have my own paradise right in my back yard with miles of garden to look after.”

He left the kitchen and headed toward the back door. This was his smoking time; right after a meal or, as he often said, when his nerves were rattled. “I’m just going out to calm my nerves,” he would say to whoever was listening. He made his way back into the kitchen and put his dirty mug back in the dishwasher, then went to sit in the living room where, as he would say, you could really live it up! A joke or a cynical remark would always be made about the current topic of discussion. Arthur was a man who enjoyed a good joke, a prank or a fascinating story.

He picked up his book. He always had a book on the go. Being a self-educated man, reading was his favorite pastime. Perhaps this is where my love of reading began. One summer afternoon, when I was twelve or thirteen, I was so bored I didn’t know what to do with myself. Dad came into my room and handed me a book. “Here, read this,” he said. “When you’re finished reading it, I want you tell me about it – if you liked it and if you thought it was a good story.”

Wow, I thought to myself at the time, Dad wants me to tell him about this book and not the other way around? This was a momentous time for me; my dad was actually asking for my opinion. The book was Herman Wouk’s The Caine Mutiny. That summer was the summer my reading habits went wild. I read and read until suddenly I wasn’t bored anymore. When I finished reading The Caine Mutiny, he gave me a book by Ernest Hemingway called For Whom the Bell Tolls. I loved both of those books and still have them in my library today. They’re precious to me, as they not only represent the beginning of a beautiful relationship with books, but also the beginning of what I considered to be a somewhat grown up dialogue with my father.

My dad and meHe sat down in his favorite chair, the one with the tall back and the arm rests. He picked up the latest Larry McMurtry book off the side table, pulled out his glasses from his shirt pocket and started to read. He could read through anything – wars, famine or feasts. That was my dad. Several years ago, he told me about a dream he’d had. In it, there was an earthquake. The house shook, he told me, and it seemed like the end of the world. He shot out of bed and ran out the door, until he realized he had a family back in the house that he was supposed to protect. So he ended up going back into the house as it started to crumble away, and then he woke up. I said to him, “You mean you didn’t save us?” “No,” he told me. “I guess it’s every man for himself around here.”

“Dad,” I said to him as he sat in his favorite chair.

“Hmmm,” he replied.

“Dad, I think I’ll be going soon. Is there anything I can do for you while I’m here?”

“Well, you could be quiet while I’m trying to read.”

“Ok, point taken. Love you too,” I said to him. ‘Hmmm’ was his reply.

The word ‘love’, ‘I love you’ or any of those things were never mentioned to Arthur. They made him nervous, I think. He only once told me he loved me. It was after a very painful event in my life, and even then it was from the confines of his room, not up close and personal and not with a hug or even a handshake.

Before my father died, I did get a chance to sit with him and talk about life and our life together as a family. We made quite the pair: he, the ever-stoic father and I, the blubbering daughter. He told me he had no regrets. He was a firm believer in heaven and expected to get there; one free pass through the pearly gates. He also made it clear that he didn’t want any crying or carrying on over his death. Arthur made it known that he would be in charge even on his deathbed.

I called out goodbye as I left the house through the garage.

“Bye,” he said.

He would spend some quiet moments alone in the living room, living it up with his favorite book before getting up to make dinner. When it was time to have his tea after supper my father would no doubt go back to the dirty mug and use it one more time.

 

Photo Credits

Photos courtesy of Martha Farley – all rights reserved

 

 

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The Novel of My Mother’s Past – And Mine https://lifeasahuman.com/2020/relationships/family/the-novel-of-my-mothers-past-and-mine/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2020/relationships/family/the-novel-of-my-mothers-past-and-mine/#comments Thu, 14 May 2020 11:00:09 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com/?p=400238&preview=true&preview_id=400238 1945 - faculty member at Cornell UniversityMother’s Day is a bittersweet holiday for me, bringing up very mixed emotions spanning seven decades. Were it not for a good relationship with my own daughter and a generally positive experience as a mother myself, my feelings concerning the celebration of motherhood would be much more negative, because my childhood was not marked by a very nurturing environment. Especially in my teens the level of conflict and estrangement between me and my mother was notably high. It was only shortly before her death that we achieved a species of friendship. In this light I can remember her as a person to be admired and respected, a talented, articulate professor of English literature, a scholar of great intellectual acuity, a valued member of the many organizations in which she participated, and a person of exceptional integrity. That parenting and familial relationships are not on the list does not reflect a memory or perception on my part that they were disastrous (after all, she successfully raised three children and remained married, albeit not precisely happily married, for thirty-nine years), but rather that they were merely adequate alongside achievements that were stellar, or might have been given free reign.

My mother’s legacy lives on mostly in my memory and in a large collection of papers and photographs I rescued when my father’s estate was broken up and the family home sold in 1995. Among those papers, in the back of a file cabinet with copies of income tax forms and correspondence relating to university governance, was the manuscript of an unfinished novel, “The Club for Women”, which my mother painstakingly typed out on onionskin, with carbons, in the early 1950’s. If she were a known author or someone in whom the world at large had an interest, this unique document would be the subject of intense conservation efforts, and perhaps a definitive edition bearing the imprime of a prestigious university press. If an established academic or celebrity writer determined this manuscript was worth showcasing, it would likewise achieve prominence.

It is not the intrinsic quality of an achievement of this nature which makes it valuable, but the marketing of it. My mother wrote beautifully. The book itself describes eloquently the position of an ambitious female academic who achieved a certain amount in her field during the Second World War, only to be sidelined in the early 1950’s. It’s a common tragedy of professional women in her generation, both for the women themselves and for the loss to society of contributions they night have made had they been allowed to continue, especially if society had been a little more open to women combining career and families.

This story becomes my story as well. I cannot say I remember my mother working on this manuscript, though I remember her typing away in the room she and my father used as a study, expecting a kindergartner to be able to amuse herself for long periods of time. I do remember her being an angry, bitter woman, jealous of my father whose career the university nurtured, resentful of being a housewife, and contemptuous of the mothers of friends who were more comfortable in their roles.

1949 -Mother with author as babe in arms.

1949 -Mother with author as babe in arms.

The novel is not particularly fictitious. Perhaps none of it is. It describes my mother’s experience as a graduate student at Yale in the 1940’s. Many of the episodes and characters were stories she told me as a child, along with reminiscences of growing up in a working class immigrant family in New York City in the 1920’s and early 1930’s.

In my mother’s words “General idea: The novel is supposed to illuminate the personality problems resulting from the conflict between intellectual interests and the sex drive in ‘modern woman’. The action does not propose a solution to the conflict. Rather it is meant to suggest that current social patterns, which decree that a woman may achieve prestige in her field, but almost invariably at the expense of a normal emotional life, make such conflict anthropologically inevitable.” At the time the Kinsey Report had just come out and sex drive was prominent on everyone’s radar.

My own recollections flesh out the story, adding the circumstances under which the book was written and the family dynamic which shaped my character as a very bright girl growing up in America in the 1950’s. My mother was determined that I should succeed brilliantly in the academic environment where she had very nearly succeeded, and pushed me into a scientific career as one offering more prestige and better job prospects than literature. In a typical family at the time my brother’s future career would have taken precedence, but he was not academically gifted and my father was less determined that his children make their mark on the world than my mother was.

Irma Sherwood in 1983I believe the whole narrative, including the novel my mother wrote and my own reminiscences, do have value, and to that end am creating a digital copy of The Club for Women and hoping to distribute it somehow together with my own reminiscences of childhood, so that they are not lost to posterity. This task occupies me as I sit at home conscious of my own mortality, quarantined due to an epidemic which purports to be particularly dangerous to old people like me, and knowing that all I bequeath to the next generation in terms of stories and the lessons to be learned from them had best be consigned to paper, because my memory will perish with me and purely electronic resources are also ephemeral.

Photo Credits
Photos are courtesy of Martha Sherwood – All Rights Reserved
The photographs are from my family album, possibly taken by my father John Sherwood.

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A Heart and Soul Christmas https://lifeasahuman.com/2019/mind-spirit/humanity/a-heart-and-soul-christmas/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2019/mind-spirit/humanity/a-heart-and-soul-christmas/#respond Sat, 30 Nov 2019 21:56:40 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com/?p=399149&preview=true&preview_id=399149 When I was one-and-twenty I heard a wise man say,
Give crowns and pounds and guineas, But not your heart away
Keep your fancy free……
But, I was one-and-twenty, No use to talk to me.”
~ When I Was One-and-Twenty / poem by A. E. Housman

The glow of Christmas

Have you ever met someone who’s commonly called a “Scrooge” – a Dickens name reserved for those, especially at Christmas, who are mainly concerned about themselves?

It’s not that they’re always “bad”; but, some feel they’re vulnerable if they don’t (in Leonard Cohen’s words) “Shoot at someone who outdrew you.” As, Donald Trump trumpeted, “Real power… is fear.”

Even positive thinking guru, Dale Carnegie, acknowledged that “The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking.” But added. “So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.”

So, what we’re really talking about is personal leadership. And, basically, there are two versions: power and control; and, service and support.

Power and Control: I’ve been exposed – however rarely – to this mode of leadership, and it’s no fun. Working in the face of fear and intimidation seldom is. In fact, Dickens, in his novel ‘A Christmas Carol’, has his wealthy protagonist, Scrooge, characterized to be devoid of any caring about his long-serving clerk, Bob Cratchit… even less about Bob’s destitute family.

And, why should he? There’s no law compelling him to be his clerk’s personal benefactor… until enlightened by his heart and soul. Scrooge feels that even allowing for unpaid time off at Christmas is simply an excuse for employees to put their hands into the pockets of their employers… “as it were, sir!”

“Boy, you’re going to carry that weight… a long time.”
~ Carry That Weight by the Beatles

Service and Support: Those who follow this way of being will often find staff don’t normally expect to be treated as adults… to being trusted to do the right thing. But, these employers have already made a life decision to be understanding, just and fair.

They also tend to get more than just passable job performance from staff. And, this mutual respect extends from top to bottom. Employees reward management with loyalty – decision-making that’s self-sustaining on many levels.

“And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
~ The Beatles

Of course, there’s always a few who will try to take advantage of others. And, it’s disappointing. But, what I’ve found, from conducting hundreds of management and employee interviews… you reap what you sow.

“Tis paid with sighs a plenty. And sold for endless rue.
And I am two-and-twenty, And oh, ’tis true, ’tis true.”
~ A. E. Housman

Standing by your principles – even if it doesn’t work out – can still give your struggles meaning.

“Like the fool I am, and I’ll always be,
I’ve got a dream.
They can change their minds, but they can’t change me.
I got a dream”
~ I’ve Got A Name by Jim Croce

 

“Merry Christmas! Celebrate Life!”

 

Photo Credit

Photo is pixabay creative commons

First published at Fred Parry


Guest Author Bio
Fred Parry

Fred Parry lives in Southern Ontario. He is a lover of people and a collector of stories, music, wisdom, and grandchildren. His newspaper column, Music in Me, can be found in ‘The New Hamburg Independent’ Metroland Media. His book, ‘The Music In Me’ (2013) Friesen Press is Available from Amazon and Indigo / Chapters.

Blog / Website: www.fredparry.ca

 

 

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