Love is an emotion. A very powerful one at that. When one thinks of love, all kinds of things come to mind. Movies perhaps, like Casablanca, The Way We Were, Ghost, Pretty Woman, Gone With the Wind. Or maybe a song, like “Baby I Love Your Way” by Peter Frampton, “All Out of Love” by Air Supply, “Best of My Love” by the Eagles. Or memories of the ’60s may evoke feelings of love  – Haight-Ashbury, hippies, flower power, make love not war. Without love, where would we be?

Our early love affair with our parents would’ve had a major influence, one would think, on how we would love in our adulthood. It would also have had an impact on our relationships with our friends, our lovers and later on, our own children. Mother Teresa once said, “We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”

Love has the power to move mountains. It can cause great men to weep, and it can bring those same men to their knees. Love can change everything. It can change how you see the world and how the world sees you.

Love has inspired men and women all over the world to create and to spread their wings where once, perhaps, they would not have had the courage. Love has been sought after by great poets, singers, writers and directors.

Love is defined in the Webster’s dictionary as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties, maternal for a child; attraction based on sexual desire, affection and tenderness felt by lovers; affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests.

Love is what makes the world go ’round, or so the saying goes. It is one of the most powerful emotions known to man. It encompasses so many different realms, yet is so simple. Love is the one emotion that is difficult to define. In fact, in some cultures, there is no word for love. Therefore it can be said that love has many different meanings for many different people.

What’s love got to do with it? I can only conclude that love pretty much has to do with anything and everything, and anyone who is good and kind and joyful. Love is for those of us who are hopeful and happy. It gives us strength, power and the courage to continue on this journey we call life.

Photo Credit

Photo courtesy of Martha Farley – all rights reserved

Doug, a seasoned performer and five-time London Music Hall of Fame inductee, is no stranger to the spotlight. I also knew that, as a certified yoga instructor, he’d bring something naturally inspiring to share – especially for those who would feel uncomfortable doing so. He didn’t disappoint.

Doug began with a powerful statement: “Rob taught me how to play guitar.”

Doug’s ‘Flying V’ Guitar – photo by Deborah Alice Zuskan

Coming from a true artist like Doug, that says as much about the teacher as it does the student. While you can make a guitar “talk,” the soul isn’t so easily bent. Real teaching requires a more strategic way of being between giver and receiver.

Plus, Rob was a great role model: showing up at band practices within a day of attending another cancer treatment. Why? To him it meant more than commitment; it meant obligation especially for those musicians he called “brothers.”

“Our work and our lives become more meaningful when they are in harmony with who we are.”
~ Denise Pelley, HOF Inductee

Rob’s son Sean, also a musician, offered a moving example. While playing ‘Let It Be’ by the Beatles – and searching his soul for peace – he began to feel the comforting presence of his parents:

“And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine until tomorrow, let it be.”
~ The Beatles

Watch “Let It Be” by The Beatles

Rob’s daughter Carrie shared her thankfulness with how he nurtured his relationships with his six grandchildren. He would never have pushed them, but always supported their interests… leaving behind cherished memories for each of them, and for Jackie, his devoted wife.

Doug recalled how Rob took him under his wing and treated him like family — teaching him guitar every day when riding the bus. He ended his tribute with these heartfelt words:

“He was a warm light in the world, and his kind heart and deep spirit will be fondly remembered.”

Doug continues to carry that light forward. His latest project, Beatles in Blue, re-imagines Beatles classics with the blues . It was a bold move… one that may have risked fan loyalty. But, staying the same just wasn’t an option. After all, the Beatles were masters of change.

We also spoke about the evolving landscape for independent musicians. Since the pandemic, even now days, venues have closed, audiences have stayed home, even as live music very nearly died.

Today, artists rely heavily on streaming platforms like Spotify and Apple. But the returns are minimal. According to Public Television (Detroit), it takes approximately 800,000 streams to earn just $15,000 per year.

So where’s the good news?

Listen to “Drive My Car – Beatles in Blue” by Doug Varty

The 2024 Polaris Music Prize winner for Canadian album of the year (Think the Grammys.) and second-time recipient, Jeremy Dutcher, offered a hopeful path forward:
collaborate, support each other, and get creative. Have more of a ‘Do It Yourself’ (DIY) attitude.
Plus buy some merch. Show up to gigs. Be human. Care.

Doug and his band did just that with Beatles in Blue, offering audiences something fresh — rooted in love for the music and a willingness to grow with it as a ‘singer, performer, or music man.’

That’s the way I figure it.
Fred Parry                                                      

Photo Credit

Doug’s ‘Flying V’ Guitar – photo by Deborah Alice Zuskan

First published at fredparry.ca

Guest Author Bio
Fred Parry

Fred Parry lives in Southern Ontario. He is a lover of people and a collector of stories, music, wisdom, and grandchildren. His raison d’etre? “I’m one of those people who believe that if my work serves the common good, it will last; if not, it will die with me. I still believe that’s true.” Fred spent ten years as a columnist for Metroland Media Group – a division of the publishing conglomerate Torstar Corporation.

His book, ‘The Music In Me’ (2013) Friesen Press is also available via Indigo / Chapters.

Blog / Website: www.fredparry.ca

There are many ways to rekindle the flame with your partner, such as boosting the intimacy levels or being more honest with each other. Every couple will be different in what they expect from their partner, so it’s about finding the right things that matter to both of you and finding the perfect solution to help repair your relationship.

We have carefully crafted this guide to help you rekindle your relationship. Continue reading for some inspiration on things that you can try to achieve a deeper relationship connection with your partner.

How to Rekindle the Flame in Your Relationship

Increase Physical Touch

Love languages describe ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts and physical touch. The latter is seemingly the most popular among couples to enhance romance, as they enjoy being close to each other. If you don’t have much physical touch in your relationship, such as hugs, cuddles and kissing, it could be a reason why the flame has dwindled. Having a cuddle before you both go to sleep can boost endorphins and lead to a much healthier relationship, as a result.

Cultivate Curiosity

Curiosity is what fuels the early stages of a relationship, as we are desperate to learn more about our partner to see if they’re the perfect match for us. If you don’t still ask your partner questions about their life and show interest, you might need to seek ways that you can show it more often. Embrace curiosity by asking questions and actively listening to their answers. This goes past asking about their day, as it’s rather about getting their perspective on bigger aspects of life like aspirations, goals and dreams.

Share Secrets

Intimacy isn’t just about physical touch, as it can also be about forming a stronger mental connection. Feeling disconnected from your partner can make the flame dwindle dramatically, so you should make a conscious effort to feel more connected in your relationship. One way you can do this is by sharing secrets with your partner. These don’t necessarily need to be mind-blowing secrets but rather tiny secrets that you just might not have thought to tell about previously.

Live Together

Long-distance relationships can be hard, as you don’t get to spend much time with your partner which is why they rarely work out well. If you need to rekindle the flame in your long-distance relationship, you can make the big leap of moving in together. This is fairly simple if you both live in the UK, but there can be some difficulties if one of you is from outside of the country. If you’re married, you can obtain a spouse visa UK so that you can live with your spouse and rekindle the flame.

Be More Spontaneous

Spontaneity can enhance a relationship by instilling excitement, keeping things interesting, promoting a feeling of adventure, strengthening connection and allowing couples to try new things together. All of these can lead to deeper relationships and a more rewarding relationship overall. It can also show your partner that you are actively thinking about them, as you will be doing things more on a whim rather than only planning things for special occasions.

Improve Communication

Better communication can improve a relationship by allowing partners to openly express their needs, feelings and desires. This can help with fostering understanding, trust and intimacy, as well as assisting in the effective resolution of conflicts and strengthening the emotional bond between a couple. It serves as the foundation for a healthy and fulfilling relationship, so it’s important that it’s not overlooked. Some couples might consider couples therapy to help improve communication.

Develop Gratitude

Showing gratitude towards your partner for everything they do, no matter how big or small, will help to achieve a deeper connection in your relationship. Simple acknowledgments like saying “thank you” can be enough for your partner to see that you appreciate them. Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotions for thriving relationships, as it can significantly improve the satisfaction levels between partners.

Go on a Romantic Getaway

Sometimes all a couple needs is to get away from the repetition of working life and go on a romantic getaway with their partner to reinvigorate their relationship. It can be the perfect way to get a healthy work life balance and become more positive. Revisiting a place you have gone previously with your partner can be very effective, as you will both be reminded of the amazing times you have had together which can boost appreciation. You can also go to a new place and make new memories with your partner that will last a lifetime.

Photo Credit

Photo is from Pexels

Guest Author Bio
Cathy Fletcher

Cathy Fletcher is a retired physiotherapist based in Manchester, UK, with a rich 40-year career in the NHS. After navigating the challenges of divorce and retirement, Cathy discovered a new purpose: empowering individuals over 50 to live their best lives and uncover new passions. Her personal journey through these significant life changes has fuelled her commitment to sharing insights and experiences with others in similar stages.

My mother was a music aficionado.

She was a woman of many talents.

She was a woman who lived through many horrors during her lifetime.

Prelude

When my mother was a very young girl, her appendix ruptured. It was a life and death situation. Back then, there was no such thing as antibiotics. And so, when peritonitis set in, her family prepared for the worst. But she survived, though the next three years would prove extremely challenging. She was sick and confined to her bed, unable to do any of the things her friends were doing.

When she finally became well, her mother was diagnosed with cancer. My mother looked after her through her illness until she died. My mother was just sixteen. She never complained, just did what needed to be done, which now was to look after her father and siblings. Her father then took to the bottle, so my mother was again left to manage things at home. This was during the depression. He had his own business but it quickly dissolved due to the drinking and gambling that he and his brothers were involved in. In time, the family was evicted from their home in Toronto, left out on the street with only what they could carry. As fate would have it, my mother’s aunts, who were all spinsters and lived together, took the family in. And so, they were saved yet again from another disaster. At least they wouldn’t starve. (The aunts were always a part of my mother’s life – several years later, one of them would move in with my mother and father in Montreal.)

Largo

So this woman, my mother, eventually married my father Arthur and they had six children. Two of them died – one of spina bifida, the other was a stillbirth. Another child, my older brother Paul, was intellectually handicapped.

My mom had many hobbies and talents. Apart from being a wonderful cook, she was a fabulous entertainer and would throw the best parties in town. She could sew and knit, and could grow anything, anywhere. She could also run a business. She was what many would call a woman of courage and determination and was, in so many ways, ahead of her time. She was a woman whose strength helped build many essential services in the West Island community of Montreal. She was given several awards over the duration of her lengthy career, including the distinguished Order of Canada.

She could also be stubborn and opinionated.

Adagio

At 85 my mother fell into the dreadful hands of a very subtle enemy. That enemy was dementia. Or was it Alzheimer’s? It doesn’t matter what you call it, it has the same impact. She was no longer the woman she used to be. And it all seemed to happen so fast, almost like it happened overnight. It didn’t though, it was a slow process over several years. We, the family, (my mother included) just didn’t want to see it.

Because she was afflicted with dementia, my mother could no longer speak to me the way she used to. I cried more often than not when I left their apartment. My father looked sad and lonely though he never left my mother’s side. She was in a world all her own. She believed there were several apartment buildings that she lived in. They all had the same furniture, but for the life of her she couldn’t figure out how they got the furniture from one apartment to the other. This was her mind playing tricks on her.
She had supper with her dead father as well, who she feared, though he’d been dead for fifty years or more. She was often visited by those that were long dead. She carried on, telling amazing stories about their demise, stories of suicide and train wrecks. Sometimes she spent her days just thinking, wondering about things like butter tarts and how to make them. She hadn’t cooked a meal in a long time and at this point, wouldn’t know where to find the stove or how to turn it on.

My mother was always running away a lot. She would leave the apartment when my father was resting, and would be brought back home in the dead of night. My father took to putting furniture in front of the door so she couldn’t escape. She would leave the building and go looking for people and things and places that no longer existed. She wandered in the night looking for something, agitated and suffering, her mind playing tricks on her as she walked like a zombie in the night, shuffling along, looking for peace. My father didn’t want to place her in a home, he wanted to look after her. I called, though, and talked to the social worker about getting things in motion, against my father’s wishes. I was depressed, anxious and worried about them both, about what they were going to do. How could they find some peace? This was not how you should live out the end your life. This was not the way it should go.

My father, at 88, continued to take care of my mother, as she was unable to do the things she should’ve been able to do on a daily basis. Without him, my mom would be lost. She would forget to eat or shower or take her pills. She would be lonely without him around, a ship lost at sea. My father would be lost without her too, as she was his life. He knew that he had to get up every day and start all over again because he knew if he didn’t my mother would not be able to handle the day-to-day tasks. My father lived with a woman who repeated things over and over. She confused him and often thought he was someone else. She ran away from him thinking he was a stranger. Yet he comforted her even in her confusion.

We had to bring my mom to the hospital one night because she was up wandering around again. My dad followed her until six in the morning. He couldn’t do it anymore, so he called me. My husband and I went over and took my mom to the hospital but there was nothing wrong with her, just that she was no longer my mother. She was another woman who I didn’t really know very well. She was repetitive, and spoke in low tones about odd things. My mother was gone somewhere. I got glimpses of her; snippets of her personality.

Where would it end? Well, for my parents it ended on July 31st, 2006 when, after a very long and difficult day with my mom, my father had a shower at midnight and fell asleep on his bed. Exhaustion had overtaken him and he crashed, literally, that night onto the floor. It all happened in seconds, and as he lay on the floor in pain he asked my mother to call the ambulance. When he told her to dial 911 she went to phone but then forgot the number. Finally she managed to get help.

Within days their lives changed drastically. My father had broken his hip and underwent surgery. He then had to go to rehab. My mother spiralled further down the rabbit hole as the stress of the situation took its toll on her mental health. We waited for social services to find a bed for her in a nursing home. Sometime later a place became available and my sister and I took her. It was a difficult and emotional ride to that nursing home, one I won’t soon forget. My mom had no idea where she was going, and probably didn’t really know where she was. It was hard to figure out what she understood or knew.

My father did well in rehabilitation and was released six weeks later, back to the apartment he used to shared with his wife. He tried to come to terms with her illness. He felt guilty for falling and for putting the whole placement process in motion. My father was a man who never forgave himself for anything, even though it would no doubt have come to placement eventually. He wouldn’t have been able to look after her for much longer. The stress alone would have done him in.

So they were separated now, emotionally and physically. He visited my mother as often as he could, but it wasn’t the same. It’s not like having your loved one with you ’til death do you part. He missed her. He worried about her. How my mother felt, who could tell. She talked less, and when she did, she asked questions like “how did you cross the ocean? “ She couldn’t put sentences together.

Grave

My mom’s life changed dramatically that night on July 31, 2006. Since that time, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer and passed away a year later on April 27, 2007, after a valiant fight on his part. I was told by the nurses that my mother wept that afternoon at 3:15pm, as though she knew on some level that he was gone. But she never asked about my father. She fell deeper into her own world and spent all her time in a wheelchair.

Where did my mother go? I knew she was there, some part of her, frustrated that she couldn’t get the words right. She would look at me with those beautiful blue eyes of hers, searching my face for some sort of recognition as I searched hers, hoping for her to give me one last piece of advice, one last gem of wisdom, one last gift of  “I love you”.

Many are struck with this disease, one that takes your loved one away from you and leaves you with the shell. How do you deal with that? It’s a disease that affects the family and has such an emotional impact. How does the person feel who has the disease I wonder? I guess we’ll never know. But I wish I knew where my mom went. It would be nice to call her and ask her if I can freeze lemon tarts, or is it alright to use a bundt pan instead of a cake pan to make a raisin cake.

My mother lived until July 2011. She was 90-years-old. The last years of her life were not what you would call quality, but she had a good life.

My mother was not one to give up easily!

Photo Credit
Photos courtesy of Martha Farley – all rights reserved

There is no one perfect route to making new friends. Something works best for others that may not work for you. The beauty of making new friends in the city is that you are likely not the only new person there, and you also have multiple methods to try and test when meeting new people. In this blog post, we will discuss some of the most favoured ways of making friends when moving to a new environment that will likely help you on your journey of finding a network of people you love to spend time with.

Be open to new friendship groups

First things first, if you are coming from a small town where everyone knows each other, you need to open yourself up to new people and experiences. For some, this is very easy. Others find it extremely difficult to expand and be open to new friendship groups. This doesn’t mean to say you have to detach from your previous friendships but understand no two people are the same and you will not find the exact types of people you would expect to be friends with. Be open to new friendships and the rest will follow.

Join Facebook groups

You will be surprised at how many Facebook groups exist for the sole purpose of meeting new people as a new-be in a new city. Join Facebook groups that are specific to the area you are living in. This can be as simple as joining a football fan group for the area you are living in, or even joining a group of like-minded people who wish to meet up for group runs in your area. There are so many groups to explore. Step out of your comfort zone and join groups such as specific hobbies you are looking to take part in, or ones you are interested in getting started in.

Go to language classes in the area

This is mainly for people who have moved to a new city in which the language spoken is not their first language. If you have moved to a completely new city which differs in language and culture, it might feel even harder to make connections. The best place to find like-minded and same-language-speaking people is at local language-speaking classes. Finding people who are also foreigners like you in this new city will appreciate meeting new people as much as you. Even if you don’t meet people you connect with, the language classes will give you the leverage to connect with people who speak the language you have learnt!

Connect with friends of friends

Meeting with friends of friends is a great way to create new friendships through your existing contacts. If your friends have connections that are likewise living in the new environment you have moved to, consider meeting up with them. You already have a shared interest in the person you are connected to and there are likely similarities in your interests and what you appreciate in a good friend. Ask your close friends and family if they know anyone who lives in the city you are moving to, and make the effort to connect with them and see if they would like to meet up.

Follow your hobbies and friends will follow

When moving to a new city, it is important to not lose sight of yourself. As much as it is important to meet new people, you should also prioritise doing things that you loved when you lived back home. This can be anything from sports activities to book clubs which you used to attend. Find new groups and activities for the thing you love in your city, and you will likely meet friends just by doing this. Not only will you be doing what you love which can ultimately make you feel more comfortable, you will meet like-minded people who share the same interests as you.

Join hiking groups

Living in a city can sometimes feel like you are living in a concrete jungle. If you are the type of person to love being outdoors and going for hikes, you might consider joining a hiking group. This group of people will arrange for different activities outdoors, and you will all commute to the destination together. This is also a safer way to get in exercise instead of being outdoors alone, so check online for any hiking groups in your local area.

Try out a speed-friend meeting event

Much like speed dating, friendship speed dating is just as effective at introducing you to new people. These are organised events and their sole purpose is for people to make new connections and find communities for them to be a part of. They are a great way to combat loneliness when living in a new city, and there are multiple events taking place in most cities. Search for your local speed friendship dating events to find the group you have been looking for.

Become a regular at a local cafe

Local cafes are a hub for friendly interactions and discussions. People meet all the time in cafes, and being a regular at a specific location is great if you want to subtly become friends with the other regulars. Visit your local cafe every day at the same time and enjoy sitting alone in peace. Approach someone who is likewise sitting alone and spark conversation based on what they are doing or how much you likewise love the cafe you are in.

Things to keep in mind

So, now you have some inspiration as to how to put yourself out there, you need to keep a few things in mind. Remember that not all meet ups will be “successful”. It’s okay to meet with a group and not find someone to click with. The search can continue, and you will find your tribe. Also, keep safety at the forefront of your mind. When meeting up with strangers make sure that you are meeting in brightly lit, monitored locations. Ensure someone is aware of your location. If driving to a new area, be sure to park somewhere safe such as a city centre car park.

Bottom line

Overall, making new friends in a new city can be easy as long as you put yourself out there. Step out of your comfort zone and join new groups and communities to establish friendships that will last a lifetime.

Photo Credit

Photo is from Pexels

Guest Author Bio
Cathy Fletcher

Cathy Fletcher is a retired physiotherapist based in Manchester, UK, with a rich 40-year career in the NHS. After navigating the challenges of divorce and retirement, Cathy discovered a new purpose: empowering individuals over 50 to live their best lives and uncover new passions. Her personal journey through these significant life changes has fuelled her commitment to sharing insights and experiences with others in similar stages.

“Martha, are you going to the party or not?” My mom asks me from the chair in the living room.

“I don’t know mom.” I tell her.

I go outside to the patio and stretch out on the chaise lounge trying to tan my ugly white legs.

“Ok God” I say, “need your help here. I don’t know what to do? Should I go to the party or stay home? My mom is upset, her aunt is dying. What should I do?”

I listen intensely for an answer but none comes. Go figure. I go back inside. Dinner is ready, hot dogs and fries. My parents are very preoccupied with my aunt. So I go downstairs to watch TV and eat my dinner.

“Martha” my mom yells from the top of the stairs.

“Yes” I respond.

“ Aunt Gert just died Martha.”

“ Oh mom I’m sorry, oh no.” What else does one say at the time? I stayed in the basement and listened to music while I heard hustle and bustle upstairs. I think about my prayer to God asking him what to do? I think that perhaps there is a God after all. Then there were the phone calls and the doorbell ringing. The priest arrives. My aunt and uncle from in town come over too.

“Martha I would like you to come upstairs now, Uncle Bill and Aunt Rae are here and we are going to give Gert the last rite. Fr. Lynng is here too to perform the service.”

“Ok mom” wiping the tears from my eyes. Aunt Gert and I had what you would call a kind of turbulent relationship. The first recollection of Gert for me is when I stuck my tongue out at her when I was about six. It must have been the year she moved in with us that I did that. I resented the fact that there was another person in the house taking away my moms precious time.

We stood around my Aunt’s bed while the priest performed the last rite. Family members kneeling on the floor praying, it was a very solemn ceremony. I had never seen a dead body before, it kind of left me awestruck. I didn’t get too close though. I was afraid Gert would sit up and start laughing at us all or something.

The ambulance arrived and my aunt was taken to the morgue.

I didn’t go to my party or the prom the year I graduated from high school. Yet that summer was the summer I remember things changed for all of us. With my aunt Gert passed on, my mother had more time to do what she wanted to do.

Now forty years later I look at her lying in the hospital bed. The wrinkles and lines on her face tell a thousand different stories. She is my mom; she is old now the cigarette long gone from between her two fingers, her lungs no longer sucking in smoke but so desperate now to suck in oxygen.

“Hello,” I say to my mother. Another crisis, pneumonia again.

“Hi “she says.

“Do you know who I am mom?”

“No “

“I’m your daughter. “ I have with me on this visit my daughter who is also about to graduate from high school. I think back to that May many, many years ago. My mom so young with her smokes and her Capri’s and feel a sense of loss and sadness.

“Mom, what are you doing here in the hospital? I ask her.

“I don’t know.” She replies

“Where are my mother and father?” She asks me.

“I don’t know mom, but I am sure they will be here soon.”

“Ok, good. Oh my neck hurts, oh my stomach hurts.” My mother complains, she is not weeping yet there is pain in her voice, in her cry for help. With each cry I try to offer some words that will comfort her. That it seems is all I can do for her.

“Where does it hurt mom? Do you need anything? Can I get you anything?”

“No.” she replies.

“You are a conundrum.” I tell my mother.

“I know, I sure am.” She replies.

“Remember when you used to tell me I was a conundrum, mom?”

“Yes, yes I do.”

“And now the tables are turned “I said and laughed but my mom just looked at me blankly.

Her body is twisted from sitting day after day year after year in a wheelchair. She hasn’t been upright in years. She can’t turn her head or straighten her legs. Yet her hands are still soft to the touch and so my daughter grabs one hand and I the other.

She is tied to the bed they have her in restraints. My daughter and I untie her so her hands are free. Immediately she tries to pull out her oxygen tube.

“Mom, you can’t take that out or I am going to have to tie your hands again. You need that so you can breathe.”

“Oh “says mom and then starts to go again for the tube.

“Mom, no you can’t do that.” My daughter and I grab her hands again and hold on tight. My mom then tries to rest but she is agitated, no wonder I think to myself I would be agitated too.

“Where’s my horse? My mom asks me. My daughter and I laugh.

“Out in the barn.” I tell her.

“Oh “my mother replies. Our conversations are not what they used to be. My mother and I spent many days discussing many things before she got sick.

“Did you get the cheese? She asked me. “That is for that guy named Mr. Broth”

“Ok” I tell her wondering what is going on in her brain. Wondering what and how these words have no meaning to me, but surely have huge meaning to my mother.

My daughter and I spend several hours with my mother. The hospital is a horrible place for anyone but it seems for the elderly it is even more horrific.

In my mind’s eye I see my mom again sitting in her favorite chair. Looking out the window, waiting as my aunt lay dying upstairs in her room.

Full circle, we are here again, I suppose we are all waiting to die. Some of us hopefully will be around a lot longer than others. My daughter is seventeen and her life is just beginning. I am now the one sitting in the chair, looking out the window.

It’s my daughter’s party, her prom. I hear the anxiety in her voice. “Is Grandma going to be alright mom? Are you alright mom? I tell her not to worry; that I am alright, that this is life.

“Mom, we are going to go now ok”. I say to her.

“Alright, tell my mother and father to come and get me.” She answers.

“I will mom, I love you” I tell her and so does my daughter.

“I love you too.” My mom replies. And we leave the room.

My Mom and Daughter and I

I think to myself that life is a riddle, a puzzle of sorts; a conundrum. Once long ago I was a riddle to my mother, now she has become a puzzle to me. Does my daughter worry that I too will become afflicted with Alzheimer’s? She tells me she will look after me even if I become a difficult puzzle to solve. I am grateful for that, as my mother I am sure is grateful that she has a family to look after her. I take my daughters hand as we walk back to the car both of us lost in thought.

Photo Credits

Photos by Martha Farley – All Rights Reserved

The month of July was also when we had our first guest. My son’s son arrived from Gaspe to spend the month with us. It worked out so well. He is ten and so we would go to the public pool when we had that crazy heat wave. We’d walk around town or we’d go discover new things. It was great that we could accommodate him for the month and we had a lot of fun!

As I am writing this now it is Thanksgiving weekend. Mid October and the leaves are changing. Those vibrant and beautiful reds and yellows and burnt oranges. The days are cool and the nights are cold. I love this time of year. Mother nature is letting us know that changes are good. That even when it gets cold we can find warmth indoors.

These past few months I have been living in a little town called St. Anne De Bellevue, it is I am sure in its hay day a quaint cottage village. It is also home to a CEGEP John Abbott and University of McGill. It is so quaint that at noon and six at night the church bells ring out. I love that, the bells remind me of an era when things were simple.

Myself and my two adult children share a house. The arrangement has worked out really well. The cost of living has gone up so much that having being able to share rent is a God send. After my husband died it felt good to be in the place where we had lived. It felt like he and I had made an imprint there but as time went on I got very lonely and so with much discussion my children and I decided to try sharing a house. It is an old house with beautiful inlaid floors and woodwork everywhere. There is plenty of room for us to be alone when we need to or to hang out together.

I felt then that the loneliness of losing my life partner was dissipating somewhat. That weight , the loss was becoming much easier to bear. Having dinner with my children again is wonderful. We all chip in when need be.

Another change for me is that I have retired and so my days are spent in this beautiful house now doing whatever I feel like doing on any particular day. It’s wonderful. The stress of work and all its worries is gone and once again I feel a weight has been removed. At this time I am happy to be reading, and walking and enjoying the beautiful area that I live in. I may get bored with it, who knows. One day at a time is my motto.

It’s Thanksgiving this weekend and we will have our turkey and fixings. But for me it will be a time to really look at my life and be thankful for where it has taken me. A friend of mine tells me often “ God will provide Martha “. I believe that is true. There have been so many things in my life that happen and I never understand why until I am shown why after the fact. Synchronicity, it’s a real thing.

Holidays are so very difficult for those of us who have a loved one who has died. Weather it is a spouse or parent or child, not having those people with us to celebrate all the good things life has to offer is very sad, however knowing that those left behind share in your grief and in the happiness that they knew that person and can share with you those memories that never fade but live on in our hearts and minds.

This I am thankful for, my children and my family and friends who have always been guiding lights in the darkness that can sometimes consume me. I am so very thankful for their love and for their laughter and joy in knowing me and in knowing those that I love.

Photo Credits

Photos by Martha Farley – All Rights Reserved

Embracing Your Unique Identity

Every individual’s identity is a unique tapestry woven from personal experiences and self-perception. For those exploring their LGBTQ identity, acknowledging and accepting oneself is a journey that requires patience and self-compassion. Understanding that identity is fluid and can evolve over time helps foster a sense of personal authenticity. It’s important to celebrate your uniqueness and remember that there is no right or wrong way to define oneself within the LGBTQ community. Embracing your identity enhances personal fulfillment and connects you with a vast and diverse community.

The Significance of Representation

Seeing yourself reflected in media, culture, and society plays a crucial role in understanding and valuing your own identity. Positive representation of LGBTQ individuals in books, movies, and other media validates experiences and challenges stereotypes. It provides role models that inspire and assure that there’s a place for everyone in the world. Inclusive representation also fosters an environment of acceptance and understanding in broader society, reducing stigma and encouraging solidarity. Representation helps individuals visualize a future that they can aspire to and feel proud of their identity.

Building a Strong Support System

Having a support network is key to feeling grounded and confident in your identity. Friends, family, and community groups can provide a foundation of love and acceptance that supports personal growth. A support system offers a safe space to express yourself, share challenges, and celebrate triumphs. It is important to remember that support can come from various places, not just within your immediate circle, but also through online communities and support groups like Encircle. Surrounding yourself with understanding and empathetic individuals helps in developing a sense of belonging and security.

Navigating Challenges with Confidence

Life comes with its share of challenges, and navigating them with confidence is an empowering part of the LGBTQ identity journey. Understanding your rights and being aware of available resources can help ease any difficulties you may encounter. Facing challenges openly and with a positive outlook can turn obstacles into learning experiences. Engaging with others who have similar experiences can provide strategies and insights that are both supportive and enlightening. Remember, challenges do not define you, but how you approach them contributes to your strength and resilience.

Celebrating Diversity and Community

Diversity within the LGBTQ community enriches experiences and broadens perspectives. Engaging with this vibrant community provides opportunities to learn from one another’s stories and build lasting connections. Celebrating diversity encourages inclusivity and reminds everyone that they have a unique role to play within the community. Participating in events, discussions, and community initiatives fosters a sense of unity and belonging. By embracing the full spectrum of LGBTQ identities, individuals contribute to a culture of support, acceptance, and love that benefits everyone.

Discovering and embracing your LGBTQ identity is a rewarding adventure filled with opportunities for personal growth and connection. Through acceptance, positive representation, and a steadfast support network, you can confidently navigate the challenges that arise along the way. Remember that your journey is one-of-a-kind, and there’s a supportive community ready to welcome you with open arms. Celebrating the diverse tapestry of LGBTQ identities enriches our shared experiences and strengthens our bonds. Embrace your true self with pride and know that your identity is something to be cherished and honored.

Photo Credit

Photo is from Unsplash

Guest Author Bio
Rachelle Wilber

Rachelle Wilber is a freelance writer living in the San Diego, California area. She graduated from San Diego State University with her Bachelor’s in journalism and media studies. She tries to find an interest in all topics and themes, which prompts her writing. When she isn’t on her porch writing in the sun, you can find her shopping, on the beach, or at the gym.

Why Experiences Trump Material Goods

When you give an experience gift, you are doing more than giving material goods to add to his collection. You’re giving something that is going to excite him, something that could potentially help him out. The sound of sporty cars whipping around the raceway, the sensation of free-falling through the clear sky, or the delicious aromatic flavours of freshly prepared gourmet cuisine. This is what he is going to remember down the line.

The Modern Man’s Need for Connection and Growth

The modern man seeks more than mere success. He wants relationships that matter. He requires depth, and he hungers for self-actualization. He has cobbled together a life from family and work, friendship and sometimes solitude. Now he wants more. An opportunity for deeper experiences and lasting growth. His time behind the wheel of a rare sports car, his conversations with newfound friends on a cycling adventure, or his meeting with the engaging owner of a boutique winery— all of these are things he might be seeking.

Giftory knows the Modern Man. Book a gift from Giftory’s collection of experiences for men, and give the Modern Man in your life something he will remember his whole life.

A Gift That Keeps on Giving

There are many reasons experience gifts are a great idea. People remember experiences. You can remember the time when you and your best buddies rode your bikes across town and came upon a part of it that you had not seen before. You can remember the sound of the wind and the waves when you first went sailing on a large sailboat. The freedom found in snorkelling on that vacation to Hawaii. You remember how you felt!

More importantly, it brings you closer to the person you love. Having experience by either doing them or hearing about them can also make us feel close to people. Think of any experience you can give that will bring him a truly fulfilling experience, and let him know you that know how to support him in a positive way.

Giftory helps you find the perfect experience. With a quick look at their site, you can find the perfect gift of experience you are looking for and ensure he will get a gift he will always remember and be grateful for.

Tailored Experiences for Every Man

Not every man is the same, so Giftory has experienced gifts of all types. An outdoorsy man may love a day of off-roading, while the foodie may look forward to a luxurious dining experience or a chef’s class. Whether you are shopping for a history enthusiast, a world traveller, or another type of guy, simply match the experience gift to his personality.

Giftory makes it easy to shop experience gifts with its range of options — and you can be sure each one will make a perfect gift for your man. That’s because the brand offers something more than other gifting options. Giftory knows that experience gifts take a little more work to pick and gift. Men connect with the things they are interested in, and Giftory’s experiences and gifts were handpicked and curated for that purpose.

Making Memories That Last a Lifetime

The gift of an experience like learning a new skill, a hot air balloon ride, a Hawaiian helicopter tour, or any gift that will get him away from his daily routine for even just a day is priceless, and builds treasured memories that will stay with him forever.

Photo Credit

Photo is by wine limos from Pixabay

What I am referring to of course is the late night call from the teen that lives in your house. He or she is that ghostly figure that you see once in a blue moon roaming around; you catch a glimpse of them mostly at meal times. We happen to have a son, who is seventeen at the time I am writing this piece. This is sort of a testament to his adolescence not yet an adult but not a child. Physically he resembles the quarterback from the Oakland Raiders. So the event that I am speaking of is the late night call. Last night as my husband and I sawed logs as they say, beat from another day on the treadmill of life. The phone rings at 1:15 am. Oh no, I think to myself, is it my mom? Or is it my Dad? Being in that sandwich generation you never know which topping is going to spill out of said sandwich. This time it is the younger of the toppings, the son! He is calling to ask if he can stay at his friend’s house for the night. No problem I answer him, I know the friend and I also know he is not far from us if there is a problem. I am half a sleep and hear him say “thanks mom”and click he is gone.

Back to sleep I go, like a baby. An hour or so later I think it was 3:08 to be exact we get yet another call. This time my husband answers. Again I go through the list of who it could be. I then hear my significant other say, “Are you all right?” “What happened?” “You did what?” It was beginning to sound like the inquisition. Then I hear “Well, call us back and let us know what is going on but I think you should come home. ” Then I realize it’s not my parents but my seventeen your old son.

That was our son my husband whispers in my ear. Bringing back memories of days long gone when whispering in my ear was romantic, unlike at this moment it is being done in order for me not to panic as mothers so often do. My husband tells me that our son is at the hospital. Here comes the panic “what?” I say not in a whisper either. “He’s at the hospital, he fell down some stairs and is getting stitches in his head” “Stitches in his head?” I said. “Yes, he wasn’t sure if he was going to go back to his friends or come home. I told him to come home. ” My husband informs me. We then try to fall back asleep, wondering if our son was going to survive out there in the scary world with stitches in his head. How would he do it without us?

Then about an hour later we receive yet another call. I must say thank God for cell phones. My husband answers again. “Yes, he’s leaving? Are you ok? Are you going to be sick? Yes I’m coming right now.” At this point we are both pretty much wide awake. My husband gets dressed and tells me he is going to pick up our son at the hospital. Our son’s friend had to leave to go to work. It was 4:18 am at this time. And how silly of us to think our parenting days were over?

By 5:00am both my son and husband are safe and sound at home. My son was fine except for a huge gash in the front of his head. He had six stitches and was given a pain killer. “How are you?” I ask him. “I’m ok now, but you should have seen the blood mom. I went outside it was bleeding so much. I didn’t want to get blood all over my friend’s house.” Well, no God forbid I thought to myself. “Yea so what my friends did mom was to get some flour and put it on the cut to stop the bleeding.” My son tells me this in all seriousness. This is why parents need to talk to their children because who knows where they get their information. “Flour is for making cakes I tell him, not for stopping gushing blood from your head! Were you drinking?” I ask this knowing full well that he had been drinking. “Yes, he tells me, I slipped on the stairs going down to the basement.”

“You were lucky that it wasn’t more serious.” The heart to heart would have to wait till we all had some sleep.

We then tried to find something to put on his head so the bandage would not fall off. All sorts of things were tired until we came up with fitting a toque on his head. All part of growing up I suppose, and it was bound to happen sooner or later. The late night phone call, the one that sends your stomach for a ride. With elderly parents and teenagers on the run one never knows what kind of call you are going to get in the night and from whom.

Ryan and his Dad

So for those of you, who are just beginning the ride, fasten your seat belts. The road of life is long and sometimes can be treacherous. Make sure you’re packing a good sense of humor and a husband who is willing to run to the hospital in the middle of the night to retrieve boys that go bump in the night.

Photo Credits

Photos by Martha Farley – All Rights Reserved