LIFE AS A HUMAN https://lifeasahuman.com The online magazine for evolving minds. Fri, 07 Jun 2019 16:52:33 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.2 29644249 Tweetsteria Pays Singles To Play Trivia https://lifeasahuman.com/2017/relationships/dating/tweetsteria-pays-singles-to-play-trivia/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2017/relationships/dating/tweetsteria-pays-singles-to-play-trivia/#comments Tue, 30 May 2017 11:00:17 +0000 https://lifeasahuman.com?p=393305&preview=true&preview_id=393305 Single in the City’s latest production, brought to market by Laura Bilotta the host and star of the show, Tweetsteria is a high tech way for single people to meet each other both online and in-person at the same live event. It’s a technology lifestyle story because it works to bring people together; web savvy professionals (geeks to some) hook up all over the host restaurant.

Laura Bilotta from Single in the City with Raymi the Minx running Tweetsteria at Cagney's Steakhouse

Laura Bilotta from Single in the City with Raymi the Minx running Tweetsteria at Cagney’s Steakhouse

On Wednesday the 24th of May 2017 at Cagney’s upscale steakhouse in Mississauga Ontario, Laura Bilotta from Single in the City debuted her new attraction. On that grand occasion, a full twenty-one question game of Tweetsteria happened for the very first time.

Tickets were $20 each and that’s the same amount of money each winner received from Raymi the Minx whose job it was to pay the players and then blog about Tweetsteria afterwards. Raymi wrote about May 24 Tweetsteria game in Streetsville highlighting the $420 dollars she dispensed, while Laura’s blog on Single in the City details how Tweetsteria turned singles into couples.

Tweetsteria is paid for by local businesses and that means some of the questions were advertorial. Seven of the twenty-one digital challenges asked players to research facts pertinent to the featured sponsor’s firms, and it was these local businesses that forked over the cash to reward the quick fingered players that night. This is where the storytelling aspect comes into play; Laura confirms the next Tweetsteria matches will strive to be more stylized and tell better stories.

How The First Tweetsteria Was Set-Up at Cagney’s

Co-produced by DRMG, Direct Response Media Group (direct mail company in Oakville Ontario) through their sister agency Surround Digital Marketing, the evening went exactly as planned with two laptops set to propel two separate display systems.

Wideshot of bar Playing Tweetsteria in Mississauga

Wideshot of bar Playing Tweetsteria in Mississauga

The first computer commanded the TVs in the bar to show the questions, while the second system was programmed to show the #Tweetsteria tag Twitter feed.

Participants would read questions on one screen and research and race to answer on Twitter in hopes their tweet would appear first on the game screen. First correct to appear won a crisp $20 bill. The program grew more and more compelling as the evening progressed, and the big winners stacked all the money they had won on their tables.

The First Tweetsteria was all about Mississauga

The first Tweetsteria was set in Mississauga Ontario, and this ‘place’ was the theme of the show. The program began by asking about the population of the city as per the 2016 census, and what Hollywood movies were recently filmed there (2014 RoboCop).

Tweetsteria’s sponsored questions ranged in difficulty from the Latin name for Black Nightshade, sponsored by Weed-a-way local lawn care service business in Mississauga, to the name of the closest Master Mechanic. The program introduced personal injury lawyer Joseph Zayona and then asked the crowd to research which law school he attended.

Thermo Bilt Windows Asked Players to Research Argon

Thermo Bilt Windows Asked Players to Research Argon

More in keeping with Singles trivia, Softron Tax asked players to find the RC number of the Marital Status Change tax form (RC65). The hardest sponsored question of the night asked participants to name the insulation material found inside most thermal insulated windows? Sponsored by Thermo-Bilt Windows and Doors, the answer ‘Argon’ was not easy to find on their site, and required people to Google and learn about thermal insulated windows. The absolute hardest task asked participants to find the longitude of Cagney’s wine bar.

The Restaurant Helped The Tweetsteria

The twenty one questions were broken into three rounds of seven questions each. One query every round asked players about specific menu items and the dispensed plates of food on top of the cash prizes. The plates adorned the team tables and promoted sharing and more conversations throughout the venue.

The reason Tweetsteria works is because there just isn’t enough time for one player to research and tweet the answers with the hashtag; a team of two players will always beat the singular competitor because they can subdivide the labour. One player will start composing the tweet while the second researches the correct answer. These combos ‘evolved’ at every table and in the breaks new arrangements would form as the questions grew progressively more difficult.

Stam and Ron the Winning Couple - Tweetsteria

Stam and Ron the Winning Couple – Tweetsteria

The big winner that first night, @S_Tam confirmed she had read-up on the game in advance, including the Tweetsteria prep piece on Modern Mississauga magazine and had even clicked through the links in that story to research some of the sponsors. Tammy had come looking to win some money, and at Cagney’s she met Ron who became her partner and together they won $160 or eight of the twenty one questions. That made Tammy the big winner that night and if she got Ron’s digits which is more than likely then tweetsteria worked for her in every respect.

Photo Credits

All photos by Rob Campbell – All Rights Reserved

Feature image is Raymi the Minx with Heather Albion at the bar at Cagneys

 

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The Psychology of Dating Websites https://lifeasahuman.com/2017/relationships/dating/the-psychology-of-dating-websites/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2017/relationships/dating/the-psychology-of-dating-websites/#comments Thu, 19 Jan 2017 12:00:32 +0000 http://lifeasahuman.com/?p=392121 Online DatingOnline dating can simplify the process of finding a mate when you understand the basic psychology of the process. Choice, matching, and communication are the three keys. With a conscious use of these elements, you can achieve great success in online dating!

 

So Many Choices…

Online dating provides many more potential partners than you would usually meet in life. If you live in an isolated area or never get out aside from working this is especially helpful, as well as for those looking for partners of a particular orientation or lifestyle.

One of the important aspects of online dating is that this access to potential partners helps you cast a wide net. However, with so many choices it can become confusing. Sometimes it is too easy to get caught in a loop focusing on finding a perfect partner instead of developing a real relationship with someone you like, but who may not match your ideal.

When choosing your dates try to assess each possible partner as a real person rather than an object held up against a check list of perfection. None of us achieves perfection, but all of us deserve a shot at love.

While having a buffet of choices is a delight, beware of staying too long sampling the appetizers rather than moving on to the main course of dating. Use the narrow search features and look within certain locations, or choose just two features you really want in your match. If you’re working with a matching service present them with a ready-made list of your top desires. Don’t be general when you can be specific, but don’t be too picky either.

Make Me a Match!

Many dating websites offer quizzes and other forms of personality tests to match possible partners. Subjects such as political affiliation, religion, personality traits, and astrological sign are all used to assess a pair’s compatibility. These matches can be surprisingly smart if enough information is given to make a good assessment.

Matching isn’t perfect, but when each person on the site can view the answers given by potential mates it helps them confirm the match or decide it doesn’t work. Beyond that, few people update their information to get updated matches. If interests change but profiles remain the same the matching algorithm will no longer accurately reflect your current interests. You may lose out on great possible partners in the process as well.

Don’t go in expecting the matches to predict your dating future. You may be able to avoid falling for a person with completely different long-term goals thanks to the compatibility test, but you will still have to kiss some frogs before you find dating royalty.

And remember, your intuition is always the bottom line in this situation. Do you have a good feeling about this person? Don’t hesitate to say no thanks even when a quiz matches you 100%. The quiz is based on your answers, but your gut reaction matters just as much. It’s your love life, so own it!

Clear Communication is Key

After you make an initial match, you have multiple options for communication. Some sites have chat rooms, allowing people to converse without giving out personal email addresses. Some dating sites offer “ice breakers” and conversation starters for those who are too shy to figure out how to start chatting. This computer-aided communication keeps early interaction safe and simple.

The downside to digital communication is the lack of physical and verbal cues during interactions. When we aren’t in the same room with someone we lose the chance to observe subtle clues to their mood, their level of interest, and our mutual attraction. Saving that interaction for a later meeting (the first face-to-face date) means you spend time getting to know each other but don’t get to test your attraction for a bit.

Also, avoid writing extravagant initial emails for your first communication. These can be off-putting. If your goal is to eventually build a face-to-face relationship use online chatting to do some quick information exchange, just getting the basics, and then assess if you want to move forward. When you decide to go out, always remember to meet in public places and don’t give out personal information. Protect yourself and protect your heart.

Photo Credit

Photo from pixabay public domain


Guest Author Bio
Alex Reddle

I am an online dating expert currently leading the blog for the dating website, Flirt.com. I have a degree in Psychology and the topics of interpersonal relationships, love and finding a partner are of high interest to me.

 

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The Science of Love: How People Unconsciously Choose Their Life Partners https://lifeasahuman.com/2017/relationships/dating/the-science-of-love-how-people-unconsciously-choose-their-life-partners/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2017/relationships/dating/the-science-of-love-how-people-unconsciously-choose-their-life-partners/#respond Wed, 18 Jan 2017 19:47:27 +0000 http://lifeasahuman.com/?p=392165 You might think that you are perfectly in control of all of your senses and therefore believe that your ‘unconscious self’ has very little to do with choosing the person who becomes your life partner, but you might be surprised to discover just how science and love are connected.

Thinking about our sexual health and wanting to learn more about testing options are conscious relationship decisions we make, but what role does your unconscious mind play in choosing your partner in the first place?

A couple of theories to contend with

Scientific thinking on the subject of how we might choose our partner is heavily influenced by two specific theories.

Evolution is believed to play a big part in your decision-making process, even if you don’t realize what might be steering you in a certain direction. Evolutionary theory is made up of a number of different aspects that subconsciously come into play, such as physical characteristics, certain behavioral tendencies and personality features that we are considered to be hardwired to look for.

It all goes back to early human life where you had to work hard to promote your chances of being a survivor and having good prospects for reproduction. Survival of the fittest really was a factor then. Some scientists are of the opinion that even after all these years of our evolutionary development we are still subconsciously looking out for these qualities and characteristics.

The evolutionary theory works on the basis that the obvious biological and anatomical differences between men and women will ultimately dictate your preferences for partner selection, leading you to look for certain qualities, depending on whether you are looking for a woman or a man.

Social role theory

The other mainstream scientific theory put forward is more concentrated on social rather than purely biological processes going on in our brain.

The main thrust of the argument supporting this theory is that our mate selection process is subconsciously influenced by the distinctive roles that men and women occupy in society.

The most obvious example of this theory in action is when you see a woman choose a man because they are attracted by the level of power and money that they have, and their position in society because of these factors.

Back in the 1950’s, barely 30% of women had any sort of job at all, but that is much closer to 60% these days, which means that the majority of women now enjoy financial independence.

Current changes in social norms where women are increasingly just as likely to occupy a similar role are obviously challenging those previous rules that allegedly defined the laws of attraction.

It is probably more accurate to say that the ‘perceived social role’ stereotype needs updating when it comes to ideas about how we might choose a partner according to their financial and societal status.

Instant attraction

We have all heard of the so-called phenomenon of love at first sight, and some couples who go on to enjoy a great life together can often say that they instantly knew that they were “the one” as soon as they set eyes on their partner.

The interesting point here is that physical attraction certainly does appear to be a factor and something that can subconsciously persuade us to pursue someone as a potential love interest.

Physical attraction is still viewed as an advantage and it is believed by a number of scientists, that it is a key factor and very significant for those playing the mating and dating game.

Perhaps that love you felt ‘at first sight’ was a strong physical attraction going on in your mind, that has then gone on to develop into love on an emotional level.

Chemistry plays a part

Beyond the evolutionary theories, there is plenty of evidence relating to the chemistry that seems to make us almost literally go weak at the knees when we are strongly attracted to someone.

There is a biological reaction going on that can produce those light-headed feelings that we can interpret as love.

Dopamine is the guilty party in this scenario and it produces a series of responses with your body that you are biologically hardwired to experience, without you having much say in the matter.

Dopamine is created in your brain and adrenal glands and enhances the release of testosterone. It affects various organs in your body, including your genital region, as well as your sweat glands and senses, so the physical reaction of attraction is pretty hard to miss or ignore.

There is basically a lot going under the surface inside our heads in terms of subconscious physical responses that often give the game away as to how we are feeling on the inside.

Attitudes and relationships have evolved in modern times but our physical and emotive responses are still seemingly entrenched in the science of love and arguably play an influential part in our search for a partner. This holds true even when our roles and partnership status may have changed.

Photo Credit

Photo is pixabay Public Domain


Guest Author Bio
Oscar Coles

Oscar Coles has worked as a relationship therapist for several years now. He also spends some of his time penning articles for a growing online audience as he discusses matters of the heart.

 

 

 

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When Man Meets Woman: Texting Do’s and Don’t for Dating https://lifeasahuman.com/2015/relationships/when-man-meets-woman-texting-dos-and-donts-for-dating/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2015/relationships/when-man-meets-woman-texting-dos-and-donts-for-dating/#respond Mon, 24 Aug 2015 11:00:02 +0000 http://lifeasahuman.com/?p=386102 Texting and dating going hand-in-handGuys from Generation X may remember calling a gal on the phone after initially meeting, yet today, texting is much more frequent and likely preferred, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Therefore, it’s important for guys to understand the norms, do’s, and don’ts aligned with texting etiquette.

More Funny and Less Naggy

No one likes a nag and it is easier to be perceived as one via texts without a de-codable tone or facial expression to go along with the message. Keep texts filled with banter, and if you need to be more serious or concerned, then choose your words wisely. Girls probably don’t want a nagging boyfriend complaining about the infrequency of calls or asking about where they have been. If you need to get something across, try being more funny and less naggy.

Be Interested

Those who show interest are rewarded with reciprocated interest. Try to keep the conversation even by asking questions about her while not being too selfish, only talking about yourself. Don’t dominate texts with your concerns or statements. Try to consider the interest of the other person.

Leave Some Topics for Face-to-Face Conversation?

Something like, “What’s wrong?” or “Why have you seemed so distant lately?” is not really appropriate for a text. Such is better left for a face-to-face conversation paired with other cues such as tone of voice and facial expression. As discussed, it is difficult to fully understand some information via texts. Leave some questions, concerns, and conversations for a different time when you can meet in person.

Keep a Good Balance of Time

You don’t want to inundate her with information and a barrage of questions in real time yet you don’t want to try to ‘play it cool’ by purposely waiting to reply back to her. Maintain a good balance regarding the timing of back-and-forth texts. If you take too long to respond, you may come across as uninterested rather than being successful in making her want you more.

Use Visuals

In keeping with being funny, use visual cues whenever it makes sense. Like, if you’re telling her that you’re happy, sad, or forgiving, you can couple the sentiment with an associated cat picture. The Internet is flooded with cat pictures, it wouldn’t take much effort to Google “grumpy cat” and find a number of usable pics.

Boring Speech is Bad But Senseless Texts Are Worse

In person, if moments of silence pass, you may awkwardly attempt to fill time with boring speech or useless information yet such is not necessary when texting. Consider the ‘who cares’ factor regarding offered information. Texts should be punchy and effective; there’s no need for fillers.

Don’t Forget to Be Empathetic

Showing sympathy means you can relate to another’s situation but being empathetic is theoretically placing yourself in their emotional shoes. Don’t forget to be empathetic when waiting for a response or accepting one. For example, when asking someone to meet up and getting a negative response, don’t automatically assume that this is their beacon of dismissal. You may have asked them after they already made plans and feel they don’t want to bore you with the details. Also, if you are expecting a long reply yet only get a short, curt response, they may be driving or busy with another person. Don’t make assumptions or focus on your expectations regarding their responses.

Be a Potential Partner Rather Than a Pen Pal

Yes, modern dating involves texting. However, dating is still dating; the eventual end goal is to meet in person and develop a relationship. She used Hookup Tonight or another social platform to meet a mate, so keep this in mind when initially texting. Once you start texting, gauge the frequency to get a feel as to whether they are ‘feeling your vibe’ and potentially interested in meeting in person. Then, don’t wait too long to ask them to meet. Otherwise, you may seem too shy or not confident enough, as if you just want to be a text buddy rather than a potential boyfriend.

Take the Lead

Sure, plenty of today’s women are assertive, independent, and career-minded but that doesn’t mean that you should simply expect them to be ‘the guy’ in the relationship. Try to understand who she is as a person, and what your roles are with one another without becoming somebody else in a romantic situation. She will provide more than enough clues as to whether she’s interested, such as texting you back frequently. Decisiveness can be effective in selecting a restaurant, but equally, her opinion is as valid as yours. 

Photo Credit

Photo by Phil Campbell on Flickr – Some Rights Reserved


Guest Author Bio
Madison Ramos

Madison RamosMadison Ramos is an American Internet entrepreneur best known for creating Absolute Hookup, a dating network for smartphones. Madison has a passion for great design and user experience that empowers people to experience rich digital content with ease. In his free time, Madison enjoys running, hiking, and BBQing with friends and family.

 

 

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Are You in a Toxic Relationship? https://lifeasahuman.com/2014/relationships/are-you-in-a-toxic-relationship/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2014/relationships/are-you-in-a-toxic-relationship/#comments Mon, 27 Jan 2014 12:00:32 +0000 http://lifeasahuman.com/?p=372768 A toxic relationship can drain your energy and sap your enthusiasm for life. Everyone deserves to have a fulfilling and satisfying love life – if you’re not, it’s time to move on.

Nowadays there are many different ways to meet new people and maximise your chances of meeting your ideal partner. Online dating sites can now match you with dates based on what you believe is important, so you’ll be more likely to want the same things from the relationship.

Portrait Of A Lonely Girl
How do you know you’re in a toxic relationship?

Long-term relationships tend to go through peaks and troughs and no two are the same. If you met on a site such as eHarmony, who base their matches on shared beliefs and values, then you should feel confident that you have similar ideas of what makes a successful relationship. However, how do you know when your relationship is normal or one you should leave behind? There are many ways in which a toxic relationship shows itself. Here are a few things to consider:

  • Do you feel supported by your partner or is everything always about them?
  • Do they help you to feel good about yourself or make you feel ashamed?
  • Do you rarely, if ever, enjoy good moments together?
  • Do you constantly feel tense, anxious or miserable around your partner?
  • Do you feel you can be yourself around your partner or do you feel under pressure to change?

What kind of behaviours cause a relationship to be toxic?

A toxic relationship is often borne out of insecurity. When one partner feels insecure, it’s easier for them to feel jealous and project their worries and anxieties onto their partner. They may make unreasonable demands that their partner behave in certain ways to soothe their fears, and become agitated or aggressive if this does not happen. Some examples of controlling behaviour include:

  • Sulking or becoming angry with little provocation
  • Demanding that the other partner dress, act or speak in a certain way
  • Overriding the other partner’s thoughts or feelings
  • Being unable to tolerate differences between themselves and the other partner
  • Driving a wedge between the other partner and their friends or family

6905940256_59d1e27577_b

What can you do to recover from a toxic relationship?

If you’ve identified that you need to leave your current relationship, it may feel much more complicated than simply walking away. It may even take some time for you to truly feel that it’s the right thing to do.

Identifying some of the reasons you need to leave may help make that step a little easier. Whether it’s having more time to spend with old friends, recovering self-esteem or simply being your own person again, having a list at hand will provide a bit of back-up for the break-up.

Once you’ve made the decision, have a plan for what you’ll say before you talk to your partner. Keep it short and simple and decide what your next steps will be. After the break-up, it’ll help for you to have support from friends and/or family straight away. Try and keep busy as much as possible and don’t be tempted to contact your ex as it will only make things more complicated.

When you’re free of your toxic relationship, you’ll have much more time to look after yourself, regain your confidence and eventually get out there and start meeting people again.

Photo Credits

Portrait Of A Lonely Girl – Some rights reserved by robertvitulano on flickr

As She Walks Away – Some rights reserved by TheTynk on flickr

 


Guest Author Bio

Hannah Jackson
Hannah Jackson is a freelance writer and mum of two based in the UK. She enjoys understanding relationships and exploring themes of commitment and love.

 

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Are You Addicted to “Love”? https://lifeasahuman.com/2013/relationships/dating/are-you-addicted-to-love/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2013/relationships/dating/are-you-addicted-to-love/#comments Fri, 01 Nov 2013 13:00:02 +0000 http://lifeasahuman.com/?p=369215 Scroll through a thousand online dating posts, ask a couple dozen friends, go on a dozen dates, and you’ll find that most of us are, either consciously or unconsciously, looking for fireworks. Hot chemistry. That mad attraction that we can’t soak up enough.

And when we meet someone that doesn’t, for whatever reason, elicit it from us, many of us will move on. Fast. Even if the person otherwise might be a great partner.

365: Day 133, I Love

So, what gives?

In my own experience, the relationships that started with hot, passionate chemistry died a quick death. The fire brought us together, but once it cooled a bit, we really weren’t a good match for each other. Some psychologists argue that such passionate, fire-filled beginnings often are coming from matching wounds of the past. That the coming together isn’t about love and longevity, but more about co-habiting dysfunctions hoping to heal each other. Most of the spiritual teachings I study also caution against believing the stories we have around desire, precisely because they are designed to get us to go out and pursue whatever it is that is desired.

Related to this is another set of issues. People want it All to happen Now. Many of us don’t want to “waste time,” and find out later that someone “wasn’t right.” But how can you know, if you don’t actually take some time to get to know someone? An hour and a half over coffee or dinner isn’t enough to get to know anyone, but you’d be hard pressed to find a roomful of singles who don’t believe that these days. Furthermore, in addition to being impatient, many of us fail to register more subtle passions for another because we’re too busy looking for, or “trying to will,” something that will burn a city block down when/if it comes.

I also think there’s another issue here. Addiction. The U.S. is truly a society of addicts. I’m not sure that Canada is all that much better. There are high level addicts who destroy their lives and the lives of others. Some make it into therapy and/or recovery groups, while others never make it. However, beyond these folks, I’d argue that a large percentage of us “normal functioning” folks are actually low level addicts. Some absolutely “need” those two or three cups of coffee every morning. Others are miserable if they don’t get their video game fix, or miss their favorite TV show. And still others are addicted to “love,” which is actually lust. They chase the high, and then get burned, again and again.

Are you one of these people?

Photo Credit:

365: Day 133, I Love via Flickr Creative Commons. Some rights reserved.

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First Impressions are Overrated https://lifeasahuman.com/2013/relationships/dating/first-impressions-are-overrated/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2013/relationships/dating/first-impressions-are-overrated/#comments Sun, 21 Jul 2013 14:00:38 +0000 http://lifeasahuman.com/?p=366524 Swans

First impressions are overrated. Now that’s twice. However, there’s a catch.

What we choose to focus on when first meeting someone makes all the difference. In other words, because people often pay attention to the flash during first encounters, what they glean is kind of useless. This is why the whole focus on “chemistry” above all else approach to dating is big trouble. Because wanting hot attraction with someone who is a stranger nearly always leads to overlooking the more subtle aspects of the other person. Which leads you to overrate your connection, and overrate the potential for a relationship to really work over the long run.

A few years ago, I had a brief fling with a woman who, when we first met, I thought was a good match. We had a magnetic kind of attraction. She was smart. Funny. Shared a lot of common interests with me. Etc. All those base-level things people ramble on about wanting in their online dating profiles. I went into subsequent dates with her having focused on those elements, and thus failed to notice – for a little while – the rest of the picture. That she was emotionally all over the place. That she was controlling. That she wasn’t terribly kind or willing to listen to opinions that were different from her own. And that she really didn’t have any passion around social issues or life’s big questions.

As this other side of her unfolded before me, for a short time I justified staying with her because I was blinded by the physical attraction, and also placed too much importance on common interests that actually wound up to be superficial connections. Both liking poetry a lot didn’t really matter. Liking similar music really didn’t matter. An interest in travel really didn’t matter. Both working in the non-profit field really didn’t matter. That last one, I think, fooled me into believing she was someone who thrived on helping others, and giving back to the community. When the reality was that it was just another job for her.

But that’s what happens when your focus is on the more superficial aspects of life and relationships. You hear something that sounds like a connection, and then in your mind turn it into a “deep connection,” an oh my god this person is my soul mate kind of connection. It’s pretty silly if you think about it, and I don’t know anyone who hasn’t done a bit of this in their lives. However, for some people, this mode of operation is the only one they ever do.

When you choose to focus on the more subtle, but I’d argue deeper aspects of a person in the beginning, it’s much more likely that a first impression will be more useful. Here are some things I look for, just to give some examples:

Good listening skills.

Basic Kindness.

A sense of compassion. Like if she’s describing a difficult situation at work, what do the comments about particular co-workers sound like? How much blame and criticism is directed at any particular person?

Values compatibility. For example, as I hinted at above, it’s really important to me to be with someone who cares about social issues, and feels compelled to do something that might make the world a better place. In other words, social engagement. Like volunteer in the community. Or be involved in a lobbying effort on a particular issue. If someone has no interest in social engagement on some level, then I might not be a good match for that person. So, it’s really important to figure out what values you have, which ones are deal breakers, and then to pay attention to what values the other person seems to be displaying. This is one of those areas that can unfold pretty slowly, and is why the rushed dating culture that has developed in recent decades is kind of troubling.

Sense of humor. This one might seem shallow, but actually I think it’s pretty key. People who can’t laugh at life, at least a little bit, are pretty miserable partners. (Unless you also have no sense of humor, in which case, misery loves company, right? 🙂

Breadth of interests. Although I still lean towards dating someone who likes similar things as I do, what I have realized is more important is that the person have a wide variety of interests. A well-roundedness. Which leads to the last quality I look for.

An openness to lifelong learning. Wanting to keep learning about life and world is pretty sexy to me. And I also think that it demonstrates an openness and flexibility that spills over into other areas as well.

So, what do you think?

Photo Credit

Swans by Mozzercork on Flickr

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Flush The Carp! https://lifeasahuman.com/2012/humor/flush-the-carp/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2012/humor/flush-the-carp/#comments Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:00:37 +0000 http://lifeasahuman.com/?p=347922 I recently discovered I have been investing my time in a carp.

I can’t say that I was dating a carp because there was so much grey area and vague communication from the other side that my only way to describe the interaction between this man and I would be to say I was investing MY time. Now you’re wondering … why would you be investing time in a carp, which would be a fish right? You are correct a carp is a fish, but a useless fish. One that when it is caught can basically serve a few purposes. The first to be left on the shore to rot and the other to be cut up and used for fertilizer in a person’s garden or for other fish to feed on. Due to the fact that I don’t have a garden, I have always left them on the shore to rot when I have gone fishing. Now when we are talking dating terms the same rule applies, USELESS.

Back to the carp. So I was investing my time in a man who was lacking communication, wasn’t sure after 3 months if he was into me and kept me a secret from those in his life. There was no intimacy on an adult level. There were several moments of me catching him in lies or false truths. He was really amazing at twisting situations to make it like I was the one who was misinterpreting things. He clearly was more interested in leaving his options open for the possibility at something better than taking a chance with me, and although I was able to see through it, I allowed myself to give him the benefit of the doubt.

My point in all this ladies is that there was never a kiss that took my breath away and gave me butterflies. There was never a desire to know him on a deeper level. I didn’t find myself laughing until I cried. He lacked the ability to keep up with my witty charm and at the end of our time together, I never found myself totally blown away because I had just had the time of my life. He looked good on paper. He was educated, we had the same belief system on spirituality, he had a strong sense of the importance of family, we had a ton of mutual friends, and there was the potential for him to be great. He just wasn’t. He was a carp. He preferred talking about how great he is and all the things he has going for him in life …which were very few. He never complimented me and never seemed interested in what I had going on in my life. So I decided to flush him.

It was time to get back to fishing. There are plenty of fish in the sea … good, yummy, pretty, useful fish. If you find yourself in this situation, remember lovelies; you deserve to be passionately kissed, you deserve to laugh, you deserve to be complimented and most of all you deserve to be bragged about to the world! You should never be a secret. A man should be proud to say he is dating you and you should know the definitions and lines of where you stand in each others lives.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, do like I did and FLUSH THE CARP!

 

Photo Credit

Photo is from the Brooklyn Museum – no known copyright restrictions

 

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Over Under Two https://lifeasahuman.com/2012/relationships/dating/over-under-two/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2012/relationships/dating/over-under-two/#respond Fri, 16 Mar 2012 13:30:33 +0000 http://lifeasahuman.com/?p=345794 I loved one, but didn’t know
until she left, it didn’t show

I loved another, but I knew
She left, it only grew

I now loved two, both the same
I’m stuck, love trying to tame

It’s like someone turned on the love faucet in my soul. Feelings I never had before, now come rushing in. Not just in one case, but in many. I thought I could feel this way for only one person. I now find out that what I’m feeling can be replicated in others. 

What the heck is going on in my psyche? What are these feelings? Can you love more than one person at a time? How do you follow your heart if it be given to several ways at once? What is the criteria then? If the golden rule is to follow your heart, what will be the rule now that the heart is divided? Or is it really divided? Perhaps you can share that love with others, at will. What if I had a barrier that prevented love from coming to the surface, and now, it broke, allowing an overflow of it to pour into my life. A sudden rush, a flood. Questions cannot be answered, love will not allow it, forcing itself on my mind in spite of logic. It remains only to experience its joys and sorrows in the here and now of today.

Addendum: When confronted with two ways, both of which are good, follow the way which leads to greater peace.

 

Photo Credit

 The Microsoft Office Clip Art Collection

First written in opinionsofeye.com 


Guest Author Bio

Drew Sager
Drew-Monarch-Madness1

I’m an apologist and an apostate. I’ve been knocked down, way down, and fought my way back up, way up. I’ve been an advocate of peace and a destroyer of the same, in a word, I am dichotomy. A battle of polar opposites.

Blog / Website: http://www.opinionsofeye.com/

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Do Unto Others – Turn the criticism of your mate around https://lifeasahuman.com/2012/relationships/dating/do-unto-others-turn-the-criticism-of-your-mate-around/ https://lifeasahuman.com/2012/relationships/dating/do-unto-others-turn-the-criticism-of-your-mate-around/#comments Fri, 10 Feb 2012 11:30:54 +0000 http://lifeasahuman.com/?p=345621 coupleRelationships are a struggle. I date one who has money, a career, and a future, and that is important to a relationship. However, another excites me physically, sex is amazing and yet with another, I find that I am in “love”, the feelings are hot and deep. All three things are necessary in a relationship: money, sex, and love. Just as I’m getting discouraged that anyone will meet all three criteria with equal abandon, a flash of 20/20 hindsight blinds my disillusionment. I recall the “speck in your neighbors eye, log in your own” parable. To obey this lesson, I take the measure I expect of my mate and use it to judge myself. How do I rate in these three areas? Perhaps by disciplining myself and excelling in each category, I will draw another who is doing likewise; like building a bird house in particular style to attract a bird of a certain species. Practicing this wisdom, I lay down my magnifying glass that I use to criticize my potential suitors and I look in the mirror at the inequities in my life. By addressing my own issues I hope to one day meet another who is doing likewise or perhaps to see clearer, that the one close to me, may already be the perfect match.

 

Photo Credit:

Image From – The Microsoft Office Clip Art Collection

First written in opinionsofeye.com


Guest Author Bio

Drew Sager
Drew-Monarch-Madness Words. Deep thoughts. Eccentric. Madness. Lover. Dark. Music. Melancholic. Beaches. Guitars. Addict. Primal. Curious.

I’m an apologist and an apostate. I’ve been knocked down, way down, and fought my way back up, way up. I’ve been an advocate of peace and a destroyer of the same, in a word, I am dichotomy. A battle of polar opposites.

Blog / Website: Opinions Of Eye

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